I don’t know if the foolery providers behind Sharknado give zero fucks or give way too many fucks. I think it’s the second one, but I’m not hating, because they have done what the makers of The Crown should’ve done: they cast Charo as the Queen of England in Sharknado 5: Global Swarming! The tagline for that mess is, “Make America Bait Again!” That’s got me thinking. If Trump never ran for president and SyFy cast him as the president in a Sharknado movie, we’d be like, “Oh, SyFy, time to stop lacing your crack with LSD!”
Each Sharknado movie is more unwatchable than the one before it and that’s coming from someone who has seen every episode of The Bad Girls Club and love every second. So it’s nice to see that SyFy decided to switch things up and take the series from manufactured campiness to serious drama. Deadline says that Sharknado 5 takes place all over the world, and SyFy has brought in several highly-esteemed actors to play highly important roles. Besides Charo playing THE QUEEN, Fabio will play the Pope and Chris Kattan will play the British PM. I know, you’d think that Merchant Ivory Productions took over the Sharknado franchise.
Gilbert Gottfried, Kathie Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb, Clay Aiken, Tony Hawk, Olivia Newton-John, Bret Michaels and Margaret Cho are also in the cast. Deadline explains the plot like this:
In this latest iteration, the mission gets personal for Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his bionic wife, April (Tara Reid), when their young son gets trapped in a traveling ‘nado and transported all over the world. From London to Rio, Tokyo, Rome and Amsterdam, the heroes seek assistance from royals, scholars, Olympians and news talking heads in their epic battle.
Imagine Charo saying, “Cuchi! Cuchi! Cuchi!“, in a British accent while holding a pocketbook and surrounded by Corgis? Every actress who’s in a TV movie this year just made a mental note to not even bother submitting herself for the Best Actress Emmy. Charo’s name is probably getting engraved onto an Emmy as I type this!