Archives: May 2017
Night Crumbs
Some lucky dog (and yes, I screamed “whore” at that dog a few times) got pet by Prince Hot Ginge at the UK Team launch for the 2017 Invictus Games in London today. So let’s see, if I want PHG to pat my head (wink wink) all sweet-like, I have to be a service dog. I would apply, but I wouldn’t get the job after they found out that I have fleas, don’t take direction too good and will only get up from a nap if PHG pets me – Lainey Gossip
You won’t believe this, but Charlotte McKinney spent Memorial Day weekend in a bikini – Drunken Stepfather
You also won’t believe this, but Olivia Munn’s ass spent its Memorial Day weekend in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna
In case you forgot that Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay had a stupid feud, they did, but it’s over now – Celebitchy
The East Coast Parasite Hilton turned Real Housewife of NYC named Tinsley Mortimer is dating a coupon mogul – Reality Tea
Scott Speedman showed up to Keri Russell’s Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony today. If she was really a friend, she would’ve told him that his “sloppy Hawaiian private investigator” ensemble was doing nothing for him and he needed to take it off. Right there. In front of the cameras. – Popsugar
Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Coldplay and Justin Bieber will join Ariana Grande in her charity concert for the victims of the Manchester attack – Towleroad
Um, okay, but Wonder Woman would have a Rotten Tomatoes score of 1000000% if Lynda Carter was in it! – Pajiba
Ariel Winter captioned this thirsty bikini pic with “Happy Memorial Day.” It’s the THOT that counts, I guess – Popoholic
Um, has anyone told Jared Leto that he’s not playing The Joker anymore? – Just Jared
Someone wanted to assassinate the Green Power Ranger at ComicCon in Phoenix, and you know, that’s not even the craziest headline of the week – OMG Blog
DUH. – SOW
Red has lost her Mickey, because Robert Michael Morris from The Comeback has died – Boy Culture
Pic: Getty
Vili Fualaau Has Split Up From Mary Kay Letourneau For The Sake Of His Future Weed Business
Back in 1997, an entire country screamed, “RUN, VILI, RUUUUUUUN,” after the news came out that Vili Fualaau’s married sixth-grade teacher (she was also his second-grade teacher) Mary Kay Letourneau was arrested for statutory raping him. Vili was just 12 years old at the time and Mary Kay was 34. Well, Vili finally heard our cries 20 years later. Maybe.
“Baywatch” Flopped At The Box Office
I don’t know what’s worse: the opening weekend numbers for Baywatch, or all of the “Baywatch belly flopped” jokes that came out of it.
It looks like the bait of Zac Efron’s beefy upper body (or seeing him in Real Housewives of Gold’s Gym drag) wasn’t enough to get people to watch the Baywatch movie. According to Box Office Mojo, its four-day domestic box office gross was less than $23 million. It cost $69 million to make. Baywatch came in at #3 under Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Pirates of the Caribbean 5 came in at #1 with more than $78 million. So people did want to see a mess in the ocean, just not one starring The Rock and Zac Efron.
Fingers are being pointed at a number of reasons why Baywatch flopped in North America. The Hollywood Reporter says that movie theaters had a really lousy Memorial Day weekend (it was the lowest Memorial Day weekend in nearly two decades). The Rock blames the critics.
Bold move from this critic who watched #Baywatch w/ other critics who laughed their ass off, but then they decide to trash it publicly. ???? https://t.co/k8x6XFBzPd
— Dwayne Johnson (@TheRock) May 25, 2017
So does Paramount’s president of marketing Megan Colligan. She tells The Hollywood Reporter that Baywatch tested great in screenings, but the critics killed it with their bad reviews. Baywatch currently holds a rating of 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. I guess this officially means Baywatch Nights is no longer the most embarrassing Baywatch? Congratulations, Baywatch Nights!
Here’s the cast working hard for those overseas dollars at the Berlin premiere of Baywatch in Berlin today.
Surprise, Surprise, People Are Pissed About This Picture Of Kathy Griffin Holding A “Bloody” Trump Mask (UPDATE)
When Jabba the Trump won the election, Amanda Palmer said that it’s going to be a shit show but at least the world would get some “amazing satirically political art” Well, ask and ye shall receive, Amanda!
The edgiest artist who ever arted, Tyler Shields, and proud attention whore Kathy Griffin got together and made some HIGH ART that’s got both sides shaking their heads. Some conservatives, including Jabba the Trump Jr., have dropped their champagne popsicles to wave a fist of rage at Kathy and demand that the FBI stop investigating Russia and start investigating that ginger threat to POTUS (they didn’t say that but I’m sure Trump will). Some liberals, including Chelsea Clinton, are side-eying Kathy like, “Bitch, you ain’t helping.”
Open Post: Hosted By A Live Snake Throwing Up Another Live Snake
Nearly every weekday morning when Matt Lauer’s smug face pops up on my screen, I ask myself, “Why do I watch the Today show?” But I really asked myself that this morning when they aired this video of a snake barfing out another snake. I also asked myself, “Why do I have email?“, when a reader sent me the same video. This ninth circle-approved video is one that sicks bitches with faunoiphilia, emetophilia and vore fetishes have been waiting for. If you don’t know what any of those fetishes are, don’t Google ’em. It’s too early in the week for a video of a snake reverse deep-throating another snake and it’s really too early in the week to learn about those fetishes.
A “Jagged Little Pill” Musical Will Happen In 2018
The Hollywood Reporter says that Jagged Little Pill the musical (which totally sounds like a joke from The Critic) will have its world premiere at the American Repertory Theater in Cambridge, MA in May 2018. It’s been in the works since 2013. It will feature songs from Jagged Little Pill as well as melodies lifted from Alanis’ other albums. The book was written by Diablo Cody, and it will be directed by Diane Paulus. THR says it will be a multi-generational family story that touches on “issues of gender identity and race,” and Alanis said this:
“This team that has come together for this Jagged Little Pill musical is my musical theater dream come true. The chemistry between all of us is crackling and I feel honored to be diving into these songs again, surrounded by all of this searing talent. Diablo and Diane are already taking these deeply personal songs that are part of my soul’s marrow to a whole other level of hope, freedom and complexity.”
They hope to take Jagged Little Pill to Broadway, but that sort of depends on how well it does in Cambridge first.
I’m really bummed the story won’t be based off the subject matter of Jagged Little Pill and all its scandalous Dave Coulier lore. And can you even really call it a Jagged Little Pill musical if Act 1 doesn’t end with all four Alanises from the Ironic video belting it out in the rain in front of a kick line of dancers dressed as flies, cigarettes, lottery tickets, and spoons?
Pic: Warner Music Group