Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Mrs. Schumacher (as played by the late Paula Trueman) from the original Dirty Dancing!

Because I was helping my mom move yesterday and her TV situation hasn’t been set up yet, I was spared from witnessing ABC take the original Dirty Dancing, shit all over it, butcher it to pieces and shit on it some more before setting it on fire and then shitting on its ashes. Everyone on the internet and beyond seem to agree that if Patrick Swayze was buried in a grave, his grave-rolling moves would’ve had more rhythm and charisma than that pile of cold trash that ABC aired last night. It seems like the cut-off pieces of Jennifer Grey’s old nose skin would’ve done a better acting job than Abigail Breslin and the wooden Count Von Count with abs figurine who played Johnny Castle. All of the awful reviews for that not-needed shit make me want to see it more, because hate-watching is one of my favorite forms of cardio.

The butcherers of that unholy Dirty Dancing remake made a lot of changes and apparently, they were all for the worst, including a twist WTF ending that makes me think that ABC is truly the troll of trolls. If that piece of shit ending made you so mad that you ran out and broke random car windows with a bat, I’m sure the cops said to you, “We apologize for interrupting you, rage on,” after you told them that you just watched ABC’s Dirty Dancing. But the change that really made my head filled with question marks was ABC’s decision to cut out one of the original DD’s best parts: The Schumachers!

The Schumachers are a memaw and pepaw who are vacationing at that resort, and they provide many servings of charm and scandal. Mrs. Schumacher is the poor soul who is forced to be Baby’s partner during dance class, and she’s only putting up with that shit because she needs to fool those tricks into thinking she’s some harmless old lady and not a criminal mastermind. The Schumachers turn out to be thieves and Mrs. Schumacher is the one who stole the wallet that Johnny gets accused of stealing. ABC’s Dirty Dancing was Schumacher-less.

But you know, that was probably the only good decision that the makers of the Great Value Dirty Dancing made. Maybe even they realized what a turd it was and thought, “Let’s leave Mrs. Schumacher out of this, because she really deserves better.

Pic: Lionsgate

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