Well, She Is Getting Up There In Age 

May 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated model Nina Agdal turned 25 on March 26, 2017. And 25 is usually the expiration date for Leonardo’s girlfriends. So I’m sure Nina was starting to get that old lady smell about her and 42-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio just had to toss her before he really got grossed out from seeing a wrinkle on her face or from watching her spend an hour trying to open a Werther’s Original. I mean, Leo’s no granny fucker!

People, UsWeekly, E! News and everybody else who got Leonardo’s PR rep’s mass e-mail confirms that Nina Agdal will not make it into the Guinness Book of World Records for being Leonardo DiCaprio’s oldest girlfriend, because they have broken up after a year together. Every source has the same exact story: they broke up a couple of days ago and their love just ran its course. You know, it wasn’t anything dramatic. Leonardo’s dick just refused to get hard and recoiled as soon as Nina turned 25 years and 1 month. That’s all!

“They remain in touch and remain friends. It’s an amicable split, and they’re moving forward.”

I’m sure they’re moving forward. Nina is moving forward into a room with Kelly Rohrbach and Toni Garrn at The Nursing Home For Leonardo DiCaprio’s Old Pieces (25+). And Leonardo DiCatchAHo is moving forward in his private jet that’s headed for France, and from the airport he’ll take a helicopter to a mega yacht parked off of the coast of Cannes. It’s Cannes time! So while Nina and her roommates take out their teeth to slurp on some tapioca pudding in between talking about the glory days of their youth, Leonardo will probably be drowning in skinny model cooze on his mega yacht. If you see paparazzi pictures of Leonardo throwing up over the side of his yacht, you’ll know that his model wrangler probably pranked him by throwing a geriatric model (a 25 and-a-half year old) into the pile.

And here’s Leoneardo wearing a masterful disguise while leaving The Peppermint Club with Pussy Posse sergeant Tobey Maguire.

Pic: Backgrid

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