After dating for almost a year and a half, Amy Schumer and her boyfriend Ben Hanisch are done. Amy’s rep announced the news with a very generic statement.
“Amy and Ben have ended their relationship after thoughtful consideration and remain friends.”
Wow, no “It is with a heavy heart…” even? At least dress it up a little. It also kind of sounds like this breakup was the equivalent to a shrug, which is a bit of a surprise. Earlier this month, Howard Stern asked Amy if she was in love with Ben, who she met on a dating app. She replied, “Hell yeah” and said that she would “Maybe” marry him.
Ben Hanisch is a Chicago-based furniture designer, so this could be the last we ever hear of him. Or who knows, maybe he got a taste of sweet lady fame and will attempt to channel that $70 haircut and suburban good looks into an attempt at becoming the next Bachelor. Amy is a famous person, which means she’ll stay single until her publicist starts dropping hints that it’s time to get out there and be seen with someone at whatever next month’s Catch will be.
Since it’s almost summer, I say that Amy should make the most out of it and try to stay unattached until at least September. Summer is a great time to be free and casual. There’s nothing like putting your mouth on as many random mouths that taste like Hawaiian Punch and orange vodka as possible while trying to ignore all the sweat rolling down your business.