King Arthur: Flop Of The Round Table

May 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Well, if we’re going to talk about the medieval turd that is the latest King Arthur movie, we may as well do it in between looking at Charlie Hunnam’s nipples.

Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur: Legend of the Sword had a production budget of $175 million. That doesn’t include the money that was spent to pimp it out, and it also doesn’t include the bottles of Valium that Warner Bros. publicists swallowed down every time Charlie Hunnam said dumb shit in an interview. King Arthur opened this past weekend and more people wanted to pay to see Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn looking like Johnny Depp-levels of stanky than see Charlie Hunnam in leather. It bombed bad, and based on the reviews, it made some say, “Maybe that dried dingle wasn’t THAT bad,” while thinking about the King Arthur movie with Clive Owen and Keira Knightley.

Box Office Mojo says that King Arthur only brought in $14.7 million domestically and another $29.1 million internationally. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. took the number one spot again with a little over $63 million and Snatched, which cost only $42 million to make, came in second with$17.5 million. King Arthur may have also been crowned The Big-Budget King Of Opening Weekend Box Office Flops, because The Hollywood Reporter says it’s “one of the worst openings ever for a big-budget studio event film.” Warner Bros. domestic distribution chief Jeff Goldstein said this to THR about his studio sharting out the first box office fart bubble of the summer:

“The concept didn’t resonate with a broad audience, and we’re disappointed. We had higher hopes.”

Many are saying that Charlie Hunnam: The Movie Star may not be a thing that actually happens and he could be the new Taylor Kitsch. A source also says that if his next movie ends up tanking, he may have to pay his bills by doing gay porn for Sean Cody. (Yes, that “source” is something called “my b-hole’s wishful thinking.“) It’s kind of obvious why King Arthur bombed. First of all, if someone wants to see a movie about King Arthur, they can watch one of the 10 million King Arthur movies that already exist. Second of all, it seems like the movie is missing one very, very, very important thing: Charlie Hunnam’s thrusting ass. Guy Ritchie is a joke, because every director should know that when all else fails throw in Charlie Hunnam’s thrusting ass.

And here’s Charlie and David Beckham trying to drown out the people screaming, “KISS! KISS! WITH TONGUE!,” while greeting each other at the London premiere of King Farthur last week:

Pics: Warner Bros., Wenn.com

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