CNN says that my former favorite Republican blond wifebot and third wife of Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, is probably going to become Pope Francis’ new neighbor, because she’s the White House’s pick for the next Ambassador to the Vatican. Jesus and God are definitely shaking their heads over this news. Jesus and God know that tourists visiting Vatican City are going to ignore their portraits and sculptures whenever Callista floats on by with sparks shooting off of her perfectly-sculpted peroxide hair helmet of perfection.
Jabba the Trump is meeting the Pope in Rome on May 24, and that’s when the White House hopes to announce the news about Ambassador Callista. An administration official said that Callista is the official pick but they’re waiting for an okay from the Office of Government Ethics (TOO EASY) before making the announcement about her nomination.
Callista is really, really Catholic and she’s so serious about following The Ten Commandments that she fucked Newt for years while he was married to his second wife. Newt became Catholic when he made Callista his third wife. Callista and Newt’s production company also made a documentary about Pope John Paul II.
Earlier this year, Newt said that Trump was considering making Callista the Ambassador to The Vatican.
This is totally Trump’s way of throwing a holy “fuck you” at Pope Franny for talking shit about his precious wall. I mean, twice-divorced and noted cheater Newt will probably be in Vatican City a lot now, and not only that, but nobody’s going to pay attention to Pope Francis once Callista comes to town. Pope Franny could wear his fanciest headpiece and all eyes would still be fixed to Callista’s sparkling hair halo while wondering how many architects, contractors and permits made that ‘do possible.
And from what I’ve read, Callista has been chosen to be the Ambassador to Vatican because she’s really Catholic. So based on that, I should apply to be the Ambassador to Bora Bora. I’ve seen most episodes from the third season of Dating Naked and so that makes me more than qualified for the gig.