When it was announced that The CW committed and illegal and hurtful crime by ordering a pilot for a Joan Collins-less reboot of Dynasty, I sort of did a slow wall slide of sadness, but I mostly brushed it off. There’s no way God would let it go any further. When it was announced that The CW’s Dynasty reboot would star Grant Show as Blake Carrington, I sort of did another slow wall slide of sadness, but mostly brushed it off again. There’s no way God would let it actually get picked up to series. It got picked up to series. In the words of my favorite sage Paula Abdul, “Where is God when you need him? Because this does not make sense.”
Deadline says that The CW-fied Dynasty will premiere during the 2017-2018 season. Gossip Girl creators, Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, are the ones responsible for butchering that perfect jewel from the 80s. The new Dynasty replaces Alexis v. Krystle with Fallon v. Cristal. Cristal Flores is a Hispanic woman who marries Blake and goes at it with his daughter Fallon. Like I said, Grant Show is playing Blake. Elizabeth Gillies is playing Fallon and Nathalie Kelley is playing Cristal. The main cast also includes James Mackay, Alan Dale (aka Caleb from The O.C.), Sam Adegoke, Robert Christopher Riley and Rafael de la Fuente. Rafael de la Fuente is playing Samuel Joseph Flores, a gay dude version of everyone’s favorite gold digging hussy Sammy Jo. Sam Flores is Cristal’s nephew and has been described as a “cute schemer” who has a one-night-stand with Steven. For those of you who don’t have a bachelor’s degree in Dynasty, Steven was Sammy Jo’s husband and Blake’s son and he later came out as gay.
Sammy Jo as a gold digging gay dude is the only part of this reboot I don’t hate, so far.
The original Dynasty creators, Esther and Richard Shapiro, will be executive producers.
Since Esther and Richard Shapiro are involved a tiny bit, maybe it won’t be a watered down, boring mess and maybe they’ll throw in a big surprise for us disciples of the original. Maybe the first episode will end with Alexis Carrington (played by the one and only Joan Collins) waking up from a weird nightmare where a bunch of strangers played her family members in a boring TV show, and then the rest of the episodes will revolve around her. And I can hear the young hos laughing at us old, dusty bitches who are crying about Dynasty getting rebooted. You’re laughing now, but watch in 20 years when it’s announced that Riverdale is getting rebooted and North West is playing Veronica. It’ll be your turn to cry and our turn to laugh! But really, I’ll probably be crying too since I like Riverdale. I really am a 14 year old girl trapped in the body of an old. No offense to 14 year old girls.