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May 5, 2017 / Posted by:

De La Rosa Mazapan

My mom’s side of the family is Salvadoran, but I still grew up elbowing my cousins in the face and karate chopping them in the throat to get to the De La Rosa Mazapans as they fell out of the piñata at somebody’s birthday party. De La Rosa Mazapan is a classic Mexican candy that’s a simple disc of deliciousness made up of peanuts, sugar and some kind of artificial flavor. It’s what communion wafers would be if they were really made of the Body of Christ.

Honestly, De La Rosa Mazapan s weren’t that popular with my cousins and I think they saw them as the candy corn of Mexican. They obviously have shit taste, because De La Rosa Mazapans are drops of artificial flavor perfection from heaven. They’re also as delicate as a baby unicorn’s saliva bubble. One false move while opening its wrapper and they’d fall apart, leaving you to furiously search for a straw so you can snort the crumbs up.

I haven’t had one in years, but since it’s Cinco de Mayo, I’m wondering what it would taste like if I blended a bunch of them with whatever booze I have in my house (boxed ro-zay, vermouth and cooking brandy). It’d probably taste the barf of angels. Delicious.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, all!

Pic: Amazon

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