When will these silly mu’fuckas learn that Country Time’s favorite representative, Beyonce, is not to be fooled with? You can talk all the shit you want to about about Jay Z’s camel face and Blu Ivy’s hair, but the minute you come for the Queen, the Beyhive begins pulling razor blades from their weaves and using Michelle Williams’ CDs as ninja stars. In other words: RUN BITCH! This was a lesson that MediaTakeOut.com (AKA everyone’s favorite nosy girl from ‘round the corner) learned the hard way.
Just in case you’ve forgotten, Beyonce is still pregnant with her twins, Lem and Ada. In her spare time, she likes to post pics to her Instagram, because if she didn’t, the Beyhive would shrivel up and die. One such photo (posted above) grabbed the attention of MTO, who claim that her new, fuller lips were enhanced by the sorcery of a plastic surgeon, and not a natural side effect from the miracle of pregnancy.
This statement, of course, caused MTO’s comment section to blow up with people ready to grab their torches and chase Queen Bey out of town for trying to trick everyone with her shenanigans. Well, Beyonce’s publicist, Yvette Noel-Schure, is having none of MTO’s foolishness today, tomorrow or next week, because she instantly pulled her earrings out and greased up her face for the ultimate slap fight.
In a statement submitted to Gossip Cop, who debunked MTO’s claims to begin with, Yvette came to her client’s rescue by basically telling MTO to go fuck itself. In a very professional manner, of course.
“What do you know about the effects of pregnancy on a woman’s entire body? Please tell me. Did you know that in addition to weight gain there is often a dramatic change in the blood flow in the system and increased fluid causing swelling? Do you know that often women’s gums get swollen? Do you know that it sometimes affects our speech, our ability to chew intently and a host of other things?”
She continues on!
“But the sacrifice to our faces, our feet and our entire bodies is something we welcome because we bring beautiful humans into the world who will one day combat your hate and negativity. I stood silent during Beyonce’s first pregnancy when you thought it was okay to bully her like the cowards you are, when you accused her of never being pregnant, but I simply cannot this time.”
But wait, there’s more!
“You are the saddest individuals and picking on a pregnant lady is tantamount to possessing the coldest, despicable heart. You need to find something else to do with your time and maybe stop by a store that has happiness on sale because you need to buy some.”
DAYUM!!! MTO that was a TKO! Yvette sonned you like she gave birth to you. She proved that there is no member more dedicated to the Beyhive than one who’s being paid to protect the Queen. I am 100% here for Miss Yvette and her verbal uppercuts. HOWEVER, Beyonce’s lips do kinda look like two Ball Park franks now and they didn’t look like that before when she was carrying Blu Ivy.
The swollen lips may be a legitimate side effect, since Beyonce is actually carrying these babies. (What, too soon? I’ll go hide now.) But then again, who knows. I wouldn’t put it past her if she did get them done. And if Beyonce’s lips don’t deflate to their normal size in a few months after the world premiere of the twin idols, I guess Yvette will send MTO another letter like ‘My bad y’all. That heifer had ME fooled too.’