The last time we saw Jennifer Lopez at an event, she was a few unsecured pieces of fashion tape away from flashing her bits. The only way JLo could top herself would be if she showed up to the Met Gala wearing a gown made entirely out of nude illusion fabric and a warning before she walked down the red carpet. Instead, she took a night off from being aggressively sexy (don’t take it personally, sexy) and showed up to the Met Gala in a neck-to-floor Valentino.
JLo’s look is such an exact combination of young and old. She’s giving you Ariana Grande meets the official White House portrait of Betty Ford. Jennifer Lopez looks like she doesn’t know whether she’s about to film a YouTube tutorial on how to do a ponytail with clip-in extensions or yell at her grandchildren to keep their dirty feet off the davenport before they ruin the upholstery. Even while dancing, she manages to do every granny getting lit at a wedding proud. Meanwhile, her current boyfriend A-Rod is playing the part of the grumpy grandpa who just wants a slice of cake and a ride back to the home.
This isn’t the first time JLo has done vintage-inspired pastel Valentino. She wore a green one to the Oscars with Ben Affleck. But it’s probably the first time A-Rod has seen her dressed so 1960s matronly. I bet he had to keep asking people where his date was the whole way into the Met Gala. “Oh, there she is! I must have missed her while looking for a woman with strategically-placed cut-outs and black lace.”