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May 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Jaden Smith’s old hair!

Child of the moon people, Jaden Smith, went full Jaden Smith on all the drugs yesterday by carrying around his chopped-off dreads like a purse at the Meth Gala last night. “Okay, that’s even kind of fucked-up for us,” said the Olsens who have probably made clutches out of the pubes of the Romanian virgins they have lured back to their lair.

Jaden’s dad, Will Smith, cut off his dreadlocks on Facebook last month, and I figured that immediately afterward he threw his hair into a bonfire as Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Jenna Elfman and Kristie Alley danced around it while chanting to L. Ron Hubbard during some kind of Scientology ceremony. But Jaden didn’t burnt it and since he’s so different and so edgy, he accessorized his Met Gala look last night with a bouquet of his hair. Jaden probably thought that he did something so new, but I’m pretty sure that at least one serial killer carried around the hair of their victims and I’m sure they did it long before artsy Baby Groot did.

Jaden’s cut-off dreads weren’t really an accessory. When the Supreme Court Justice of Fashun, Andre Leon Talley, asked him about his old hair, Jaden said that he brought it as his date because his sister couldn’t make it. Great, now all the edgy kids are going to start bringing their cut-off hair as their date to prom. And I really want to see video of Jaden whispering Doctor Strange quotes into his “date” as he fed it spoonfuls of the soup that was served.

If you’re ewww-ing at Jaden’s old hair, don’t, because it’s not even close to being the most tragic accessory he brought with him last night. That title goes to those grills. And I love Jaden’s cut-off hair date, and mostly because he’s sort of making fun of the Met Gala (even if he didn’t mean to) and I bet that made Anna Wintour internally rage.

Pics: Wenn.com

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