Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom broke up three months ago, but it looks like he got visitation rights with her dog Butters. Hmmm… I never thought about what I would say if an ex wanted visitation rights with my dog. I’d probably be very reasonable and say that I’ll gladly give him visitation rights if he gives me a giant monthly doggy support check to pay for my pooch’s all organic food, must-needed weekly grooming appointments, designer clothes, team of nannies and for the therapy he’ll need when he comes back from a visit and realizes he wasn’t free of my annoying ass forever. That last one wouldn’t be bullshit – Lainey Gossip
LeAnn Rimes says that everyone freaked out when she did something called “Tight Tush Tuesday” on Instagram. By “everyone” I’m guessing she means the dozens of fake accounts she created to like her own pics – Celebitchy
Rita Ora is in Cannes wearing what looks like a Louis Vuitton knock-off bikini bought from a swap meet – Drunken Stepfather
Vicki Gunvalson says that she’s not spending time with her cancer faker ex, which means that she’s totally spending time with her cancer faker ex – Reality Tea
Ariana Grande is going back to Manchester to do a charity show for the victims – Towleroad
(Tilt your head to the side, grab the bottle of bleach and gently pour into your ear until the disturbing images are gone.) You’re going to need those instructions after seeing this little clip of Bella Thorne eyeing the camera while dry boning a napkin – Hollywood Tuna
Emily RideAJetSki is still in Cannes – Popoholic
Derek Hough brought out his Ken doll nipples on American Ninja Warrior – Just Jared
New goal life: getting my tarot cards read by Rochelle from The Craft – Popsugar
There are two things that will always make Chelsea Handler’s heart skip a beat: hearing the words “Can I top up your drink ma’am?” and being given an opportunity to publicly drag Angelina Jolie. And that’s just what she did during an appearance last night’s Watch What Happens Live! in Los Angeles.
An audience member named Eric, or as Chelsea knows him – “blessed angel sent from petty bitch heaven” – asked her what she would say to Angelina if they were stuck in an elevator. Chelsea probably had the FCC nervous that she was about to release two full minutes worth of expletives. But Chelsea said that she wouldn’t say a thing.
“I would just…I would just look up. Exactly what people do in elevators, you know when you fake look at the number because you just don’t want to make eye contact? That would be exactly the elevator ride. And then I’d go, ‘Hey!’ as I walked out.”
If Hell freezes over and Chelsea does one day find herself riding an elevator with her favorite “fucking lunatic,” I hope she’s prepared in the event her plan backfires. I can only imagine how many drinks she’ll need if Angelina chases after her and offers an autograph. “I know you were too nervous to ask. Now, who should I make this out to?”
Here’s Chelsea at the Netflix Comedy Panel For Your Consideration event in Beverly Hills on Tuesday.
On Wednesday, 23-year-old Olympic gold medal-winning gymnast Aly Raisman tweeted about a gymnasty (sorry I couldn’t help myself) experience she recently had while going through airport security. She says it happened while interacting with a woman TSA agent and a man TSA agent. The woman recognized she was thee Aly Raisman by her buff arms. The man, however, doubted that was true. He didn’t even need any proof, like photo ID or a box of Special K; he just assessed that her arms were too small and weak to execute moves like a roundoff into a back handspring. That really pissed Aly off.
This picture also features a lady making the exact same face I made after hearing that Lynda Carter was not playing Wonder Woman in the Wonder Woman movie. (Truth talk: She’s probably throwing a stanky side-eye at Chris Pine in half-assed Westworld cosplay. See: the gallery below)
Wonder Woman had its Hollywood premiere at the Pantages Theater last night, Lynda Carter was gracious enough to bestow her star power upon that shit by showing up, even though the movie makers did her wrong by not putting her in the movie at all. (Although, I am hoping that the director Patty Jenkins righted that highly illegal wrong by adding a post-credits scene where Wonder Woman buys her first invisible plane from Amazonian salesladies played by Lynda and my second favorite WW, Cathy Lee Crosby.)
Wonder Woman doesn’t come out until next week, so full reviews aren’t out yet, but the first reactions came out and many said that it’s the best DCEU movie since The Dark Knight. I hope it’s good since some of us have been waiting for centuries for a Wonder Woman movie, but saying it’s the best DCEU movie in a while ain’t saying much. If DC put out a movie that was nothing but a 90-minute shot of a dried turd in a cape, it’d be the best DCEU movie since The Dark Knight.
And now here’s more of LYNDA FUCKING CARTER, Gal Gadot and the rest of the cast of WW last night.
Kim Kardashian West’s ass-tronomical booty is an entity all its own. Of course we all know it’s faker than a $9 bill. But still, her butt has become her calling card. Unfortunately after years of filling it with all kinds of chemicals, that shit is starting to look like a drunken third graders science project. So Kim is taking measures to make sure her poop chute remains among the elite of hot messes, and her husband Kanye West is 100% on board with Kim’s reconstruction plans.
The annual Cannes amfAR Gala for AIDS research was held last night, and it’s an event that truly brings out the best attempts in fashion. This is what Nicki Minaj looked like, and I love it all. The Morticia Addams hair paired with the un-dead boudoir eleganza from Roberto Cavalli and the ten pounds of diamonds makes her look like Vampira’s money-hungry hustler sister Scampira. Watch out, rich dudes – she’ll suck the life out of you and your bank account!