Archives: May 2017

Open Post: Hosted By Dlisted’s Favorite Musical Artiste Giving You The Video Of The Year! 

May 29, 2017 / Posted by:

Forever reigning Queen of Rap, former HSOTD, ho shit icon and poetry scholar CupcakKe is back to show all the hos in the music industry that you don’t need a seven figure budget to make a video worthy of the Smithsonian. All you need is a friend’s freshly renovated apartment, a gift card to Whole Foods, a non-allergy to corn, a head nurse costume from your favorite hooker store, no gag reflex and insane mounts of grace and gentility.

Because today is Memorial Day and CupcakKe’s new song features the poetic lyric, “I’ll eat that sausage all day like it’s Memorial Day/ I’m talking barbecue sauce and mustard on it/ And the mayonnaise comes when you bust right on it,” she has squirted out the video for it. Not only is it a work of art, but it’s also very educational and should be shown at the most prestigious medical schools in the world!

Someone has finally put Dr. Oz out of a job and it’s Nurse CupcakKe. In the video, Nurse CupcakKe shows up to some dude’s apartment and saves his life by sucking a corn cob over his crotch. Nurse Practitioner CupcakKe (more like Nurse Pracdicktioner) brings dick to life by giving it CPR! And Nurse CupcakKe brought me back to life again by deep throating a corn cob in the microwave and tonguing one of the three holes of a pretzel. Those greedy and evil pharmaceutical executives will shake with fear once they find out that CupcakKe has let the general public know that most ailments can be cured with a beej and a rim job!

If Jabba the Trump knew what he was doing, he would immediately make CupcakKe our new Surgeon General!

Pic: YouTube

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Jaden Smith Accused The Four Seasons Hotel In Toronto Of Spiking His Pancakes With Death-Killing Cheese 

May 29, 2017 / Posted by:

When The Four Seasons hotel in Toronto, Ontario saw that Jaden Smith was booked into their fine establishment for a stay, you would think they would have rolled out the cosmic glitter carpet and made all his entitled rich kid dreams come true. They didn’t. According to Jaden Smith, they actually made things purposely shitty for him.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 29, 2017 / Posted by:

Bacardi Breezers!

Today is Memorial Day, a national holiday for Americans to pay tribute and thank the men and women who died while protecting our freedoms and defending our country. It’s also a national holiday that some ‘Mericans use as an excuse to get day drunk before drunkenly trying to enter in a coupon code on Target.com to get an extra 15% off a NutriBullet, or whatever. So on that highly tasteful note, that leads me to today’s HSOTD: the brand of sweet nectar that was to blame for many post-Memorial Day hangovers in the 90s.

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Birthday Sluts

May 29, 2017 / Posted by:

La Toya Jackson (61)
Maika Monroe (24)
Gregg Sulkin (25)
Riley Keough (28)
Hornswoggle (31)
Jaslene Gonzalez (31)
Carmelo Anthony (33)
Laverne Cox (33)
Kaycee Stroh (33)
Justin Chon (36)
Mel B (42)
David Burtka (42)
Daniel Tosh (42)
Noel Gallagher (50)
Lisa Welchel (54)
Melissa Etheridge (56)
Rupert Everett (58)
Annette Bening (59)
Danny Elfman (64)
Rebbie Jackson (67)
Nick Mancuso (69)
Anthony Geary (70)
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
Bob Hope (1903-2003)

Pic: Getty

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