Archives: May 2017

Open Post And Programming Note: Hosted By Maru’s Tenth Birthday! 

May 24, 2017 / Posted by:

For the past few weeks, I’ve been at my mom’s house, helping her pack up nearly 40 years of stuff she’s collected since moving in here. (“I haven’t lived here for 40 years! That’s impossible since I’m only 42!” – my mom) So basically, I’ve been living in an episode of Hoarders, but not nearly AS bad and without the cat carcasses and old garage refrigerator filled with moth-eaten kids clothes she swears she’s going to gift to someone.

Today is finally moving day, so I’ll be in and out of Dlisted until next Tuesday. Ben is covering for me and everything should be back to normal on Tuesday…. unless my mom has me arrested after finding out that I sneakily threw away the dozens of dry cleaning hangers she kept and packed. That’s entirely possible.

So before I end up in jail for dry cleaning hanger theft, let me post this video of one of the internet’s first sweethearts, the box-loving pussy Maru. Today is Maru’s 10th birthday and his human celebrated with some of his greatest hits.

And after weeks of packing and after seeing that pussy stuff himself in a box, I never want to see a cardboard box ever ever again!

Pic: YouTube

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Nicki Minaj And Nas May Be A Couple

May 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Whenever I think of Nicki Minaj, I automatically picture the black version of Rapunzel with a weave so long, my nieces could play Double Dutch from opposite ends of the street. And with her ass so overly inflated, I’m surprised she hasn’t floated far, far away to dine with Shrek, Fiona and Donkey yet. In other words, she’s saying “go away now I’m tired of you.”

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Morrissey Has Something To Say About Manchester

May 24, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s been two days since the terrorist attack at an Ariana Grande concert at the Manchester Arena is Manchester that killed 22 people and injured 59, and since then it feels like there’s been no end to the public outpouring of support for the victims and their families, messages of strength, and helpers looking to help. Just a quick glance at Twitter or Facebook shows that a whole lot of people have thoughts about what happened. Most of them are the good kind of thoughts. But yesterday Morrissey hopped on Facebook and gave his thoughts on the attack, and of course it’s the definition of “Now is not the time, Morrissey.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Fiendish Feet!

Fiendish Feet was a low-fat yogurt from the late-80s and early-90s that I never got to eat and never knew existed until a few days ago, because only people in the UK got to have it. Damn it, why couldn’t I have had a long-lost twin from Britain who I met at a summer camp in Maine in the early-90s and then decided to switch places? That way I’d go to London and be able to have Fiendish Feet!

Fiendish Feet was a yogurt for kids, which makes sense, since nasty ass kids are the only ones who’d want to eat a yogurt brand with the word “feet” in its title. Well, kids and Quentin Tarantino, but let’s not get into that. The dairy brand St Ivel produced Fiendish Feet yogurt from 1989 to 1997. Throughout the years, they made many, many flavors. Each yogurt container had tiny feet and a monster face. Horrorpedia and the Fiendish Feet tribute page say that each flavor had a name like Spooky Wooky (banana), Fangs a Lot (strawberry), Moaning Mummy (orange), Flossie Flame (banana and toffee) and Mesma Eyes (red currant and raspberry). If you’re an aspiring porn star who’s been looking for the perfect name, track down whoever was responsible for naming the Fiendish Feets and ask them for ideas, because I’m sure they have a few genius ones.

If I ever win big in the lottery (even though I don’t play) or marry an old billionaire who likes his gold diggers with shitty attitudes and on the skinny fat side, I’m going to go straight to Sotheby’s and bid high on a vintage Fiendish Feet plastic container. Fiendish Feet containers are a highly sought-after antique treasure, right?

Pic: @80s_Kidz (For Jo A.)

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Birthday Sluts

May 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Patti Labelle (73)
Maru (10)
Lohanthony (18)
G-Eazy (28)
Billy Gilman (29)
Mark Ballas (31)
Bryan Greenberg (39)
Prince Poppycock (39 or 40)
Will Sasso (42)
Carl Anthony Payne II (49)
John C. Reilly (52)
Kristin Scott Thomas (57)
Roseanne Cash (62)
Alfred Molina (64)
Sybil Danning (65)
Jim Broadbent (68)
Priscilla Presley (72)
Bob Dylan (76)
Tommy Chong (79)
Heavy D (1967-2011)
Tommy Page (1970-2017)

Pic: Getty

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