Archives: May 2017

Birthday Sluts

May 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Novak Djokovic (30)
Camren Bicondova (18)
Morgan Stewart (29)
Julian Edelman (31)
Molly Ephraim (31)
Apolo Ohno (35)
Daniel Bryan (36)
Nazanin Boniadi (37)
Maggie Q (38)
Ginnifer Goodwin (39)
Katie Price (39)
Sean Gunn (43)
A.J. Langer (43)
Alison Eastwood (45)
Annabel Chong (45)
Naomi Campbell (47)
Michael Kelly (49)
Brooke Smith (50)
Johnny Gill (51)
Marlene King (55)
Morrissey (58)
Denise Welch (59)
Bernie Taupin (67)
Barbara Parkins (75)
Bernard Shaw (77)
Harvey Milk (1930-1978)
Laurence Olivier (1907-1989)

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By Dwayne Johnson And Tom Hanks Announcing Their Presidential Campaign

May 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson hosted the Saturday Night Live season finale last night and announced he was running for president, as he threatened in GQ. He also brought out America’s Dad Tom Hanks and announced him as his running mate. I’m on board.

Right now, I’d stump for a facecloth, or a teacup poodle or an impacted molar for POTUS at this point. Literally, ANYTHING would be better than the “berzerker child” option with which America went. Check out The Rock’s monologue, below.

SNL also revisited their post-election cold open. This time, instead of Kate McKinnon covering Hillary Clinton covering Leonard Cohen, it was Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump and the rest of the cast as his administration and family (with a surprise cameo from Scarlett Johansson as Ivanka “Complicit” Trump). Here it is:

Wait, SNL’s done for the season? Where am I going to get my news? Will Anderson Cooper keep insulting the president’s lackeys on CNN? Can we get confirmation on that? That could be my sole news source now if he keeps being a shady lady to stupids.

Pic: YouTube

Ruby Rose Regrets Going In On Katy Perry

May 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Taylor Swift just rang up her bank and told them to cancel the hell out of Ruby Rose’s snake squad check. This past week, Ruby made a bid for the “Taylor’s New Bestie” role in the squad that’s usually held by a closeted lesbian supermodel. Perhaps someone told Ruby that she was laying it on a little thick with all of the Katy Perry hatred? After all, the first rule in the squad handbook is to always “K.I.S.S.” (Keep It Subtle, Stupid!).

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They Are Making A Sequel To “Mamma Mia!”

May 21, 2017 / Posted by:

But didn’t they all die in the end?

Universal has announced that they’re releasing a sequel to the film version of ABBA-fest jukebox musical, Mamma Mia!. Deadline says that the entire cast is coming back, which means that Pierce Brosnan might sing again. Please, for all that is holy and good in the world, do not let Pierce Brosnan sing again. He sounded like a dying burro in an iron lung. How Meryl Streep’s character didn’t fling herself off a cliff to escape his singing is inexplicable.

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Kim Zolciak And Family Got To Meet John Legend Without Having To Pimp Her Daughter

May 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Earlier this month, bewigged reality television goodtime gal Kim Zolciak lowered the “cool mom” archetype to new depths by publicly offering her daughter’s oral favors so her son Kash could meet John Legend. Yes, that’s right. So THE SON could meet John Legend. It was 20-year-old Brielle Biermann who would have been strapping on the knee pads in exchange for goods and services for SOMEONE ELSE. Kim’s not exactly the most feminist pimp around, huh? John’s wife Chrissy Teigen saved Brielle from her human-trafficking mother by saying that there was no need for beej. The Zolciak-Biermann clan made it backstage to meet John without anyone having to spit or swallow. Heartwarming. Continue reading

Katy Perry Won’t Name Names But Her New Song Is About Bullying

May 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Katy Perry is finally experiencing a senior slump (she managed to make it past sophomore and junior), and her latest singles aren’t capturing the world’s imagination like she’s come to expect. Hillary Clinton couldn’t guarantee sales and neither could that bizarro video which only a cannibal cop could love.

So, she’s using the past to push the third song from her upcoming record, Witness, HARD. And by HARD, I mean she’s doing everything but calling the song “Taylor Swift Is An Evil, Fake-Ass Bitch Bully And We’re Still Fighting.” E! tells us that Katy went on The Tonight Show to promote her song Swish Swish, and Jimmy Fallon made sure to go with the one giant talking point her publicist gave him:

TAYLOR SWIFT TAYLOR SWIFT TAYLOR SWIFT TAYLOR SWIFT TAYLOR SWIFT Continue reading

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