Archives: April 2017
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Sonique!
Ja Rule’s Fyre Musical Festival, which made the Gathering of the Juggalos look like something that Robin Leach would cover on a rebooted episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, could’ve easily saved itself. All of the festival goers would’ve stopped fighting each other with homemade spears for the last drop of drinkable water on that nightmare island if Ja Rule came out and announced that the new headliner is SONIQUE! Anybody would gladly eat a dry sandwich and sleep on a deflating mattress on the sand if it meant hearing Sonique live and in person.
Birthday Sluts
Daniel Day-Lewis (60)
Foxes (28)
Crystal Harris (31)
Amy Heidemann (31)
Megan Boone (34)
Jay Cutler (34)
Tyler Labine (39)
Derek Mears (45)
Andre Agassi (47)
Master P (47)
Uma Thurman (47)
Paul Adelstein (48)
Carnie Wilson (49)
Steven Blum (57)
Michelle Pfeiffer (59)
Eve Plumb (59)
Kate Mulgrew (62)
Leslie Jordan (62)
Jerry Seinfeld (63)
Nora Dunn (65)
Anita Dobson (68)
Richard Kline (73)
Willie Nelson (84)
Pic: David LaChapelle/New York Magazine
Night Crumbs
NOT MRS. GARRETT! Charlotte Rae, who turned 91 last week, broke the sad, shitty news that she’s been diagnosed with bone cancer after beating pancreatic cancer seven years ago. Blair, Tootie, Natalie, Jo, Cousin Geri and even George Clooney better be forming a prayer circle right now – Just Jared
Sam Taylor-Johnson did herself up like a bizarro world Mrs. Roper last night – Lainey Gossip
Orlando Bloom should’ve quickly done a naked paddle board photo shoot to make everyone forget about the slur he dropped on a radio show – Celebitchy
Bravo gave Bethenny Frankel another show because the devil is real – Reality Tea
Rita Ora wore the perfect outfit to wear if you’re a biker and you’re expecting a flood – Drunken Stepfather
Katy Perry’s new single is either about her Top Chef pussy or she’s trying to win over the cannibal fetishists – Towleroad
I see that Brit Brit Spears is still bumping her country biscuit against that hot giant bag of muscles – Hollywood Tuna
Selena Gomez’s ensemble is something one of the Sweet Valley High twins would wear to an Easter party – Popoholic
I have brought shame upon my fellow Kimmy Gibbler stans for not knowing that she was in a Punky Brewster doll commercial once – SOW
Bodybuilder dick alert! – (NSFW) OMG Blog
In every list of Captain Planet characters ranked, Gaia should really always be number one – Blastr
Oscar Isaac is officially a DILF now – Popsugar
Pic: Wenn.com
Now It’s “Roseanne’s” Turn To Get Revived
Since pretty much every show has been brought back from the dead (see: Will & Grace, Gilmore Girls, Arrested Development, Full House, Dynasty and One Day At A Time), I wake up every morning hoping that it’ll be the day that Hollywood finally makes the dreams of everyone come true by ordering a revival of It’s A Living! That didn’t happen today, but one of my other favorite shows (if I forget about everything that happened post-lottery win) is getting a revival.
Aaron Rodgers Might Be Dating One Of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Former Girlfriends
I wonder if it fills Leonardo DiCaprio with a little bit of pride every time he hears that another one of his former blonde models has managed to successfully land a new famous boyfriend. “Look Lukas, it says here she’s with a quarterback! Oh I’m just so proud.”
A little less than a month after we learned that Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn are done, we’re hearing that he may have already moved on to model Kelly Rohrbach. TMZ says that 33-year-old Aaron and 27-year-old Kelly were seen at a golf club in Los Angeles. Sources say they were holding hands and “looked flirty,” but stopped once they realized people were watching them. I have no idea how you look flirty while playing golf, and I am someone who plays golf (I like to drive the cart!).
Aaron Rodgers On Golf Date with 'Baywatch' Actress Kelly Rohrbach (PHOTO) https://t.co/vIupdQp7F6
— TMZ (@TMZ) April 28, 2017
An insider tells Terez Owens that Aaron and Kelly hit it off and are in the early stages of romance, adding that they “just clicked.” Oh, they clicked, alright – clicked “AGREE” on the standard-issue relationship contract sent to them by their publicists. No, I’m sure they’re absolutely smitten with each other. But the real question is how Aaron’s family will feel about Kelly. Aaron’s family didn’t like Olivia Munn because she made Aaron go all “Hollywood.” Kelly isn’t just a blonde bikini model; she’s also an aspiring actress who appears in that upcoming Baywatch movie. Yeah, I don’t think I’d want to be around when they find out about Kelly. A model-slash-actress who once dated Leo? You really can’t get any more Hollywood than that.
Pic: Wenn.com
Open Post: Hosted By JLo Out-JLo-ing Herself
You really have to hand it to Jennifer Lopez, and no, by “it,” I’m not talking about a robe so her ass can cover up. I’m talking about the uncomfortable and dangerous lengths she goes to while trying to show us that she’s 47 years old and her body’s hot, dammit. That bedazzled art deco volleyball net that she tried to pass off as a dress looks so damn tight that I bet after her minions cut her out of it, its pattern was embedded deep into her skin. Not to mention that JLo’s coochie was probably cringing and bracing itself because one false move and one of those sparkly black licorice strips would poke it (see: the crotch closeup in the gallery below). That shit looks like it hurts, but I’m always impressed at how JLo delivers massive amounts of demureness at any cost!
At last night’s Billboard Latin Music Awards in Miami, JLo showed up looking like a really glamorous set of tires ran over her a bunch of times. Yes, that dress looks like something a Kartrashian wore two years ago and it screams, “Hook me up to an IV drip full of fluids since I’m six kinds of thirsty,” but I’m still into it since looking like a sexy crochet craft project IS the look.
And from now on, we shouldn’t cut up plastic six pack rings and throw them in the trash. We should them to JLo instead. She’ll bedazzle them, glue them onto her body and wear that shit to an awards show. See, JLo’s thirstiness can save the lives of sea creatures!
Pics: Wenn.com