Ja Rule’s Expensive Island Music Festival Has Turned Into A Nightmare

April 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Ja Rule, clearly driven by a desire to create a music festival that would make Coachella look tolerable, launched the Fyre Festival with a tech guy named Billy McFarland. It was a two-weekend luxury music festival that started today on the Exumas Islands of the Bahamas. It was supposed to feature acts like Migos, Blink-182, and Ja Rule himself. Tickets ranged from $495 for a single day pass to $12,780 for a four-person stay in a “rustic tented space.” It ended up being entirely appropriate that the festival was named the Fyre Festival, because has turned into a flaming hot mess.

Back in January, hype was drummed up for the Fyre Festival with a video starring models, like Alessandra Ambrosio and Bella Hadid, frolicking in the water, and promising “the best in food, art, music, and adventure.” Pay close attention to this video, as you’ll want to laugh at how scammy it seems later on.

According to first-hand accounts, what festival goers ended up with was the worst in accommodations, the saddest in food, and the adventure of trying to get off the island before it turned into the Instagram version of Lord of the Flies. The “rustic tented spaces” that were advertised turned out to be plastic domes with a mattress inside.

People complained about the lack of water and medical services. And the festival’s idea of gourmet cuisine is bread and cheese slices. I guess they planned the menu using Ja Rule’s prison cookbook.

Once word went around that the Fyre Festival was a train wreck, Blink-182 and other artists pulled out. The Fyre Festival website has been replaced with apology and a vague explanation of what went wrong.

“Due to circumstances out of our control, the physical infrastructure was not in place on time and we are unable to fulfill on that vision safely and enjoyably for our guests. At this time, we are working tirelessly to get flights scheduled and get everyone off of Great Exuma and home safely as quickly as we can.

We are working to place everyone on complimentary charters back to Miami today; this process has commenced and the safety and comfort of our guests is our top priority. The festival is being postponed until we can further assess if and when we are able to create the high-quality experience we envisioned.”

Ja Rule tweeted a statement claiming they’re doing all they can to get people off the island. He would also like everyone to know that the Fyre Festival is not a scam and that it’s not his fault it turned to shit. But he is “deeply sorry.

Guests attempting to leave the Dumpster Fyre Festival are finding it’s just as huge of a mess. There are reportedly not enough buses to transport people and flights are all screwed up. On the upside, everyone who still hasn’t been evacuated from the island was treated to a delicious breakfast of what appears to be a raw Eggo topped with onions and fried sadness.

If that breakfast could talk, it would say: “Honestly, how are you surprised? The year is 2017, and you spent thousands of dollars to see Ja Rule. I’m a toaster waffle and I could have told you that was a bad idea.

Pic: Instagram

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