Tom Hardy Caught The Cock In London 

April 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Tom Hardy is many things: an actor, a producer, a friend to puppies and a member of history’s greatest webcam hos. And now The Sun says that he’s also a heroic cock catcher.

Today, The Sun delivered an amazing story about how Tom Hardy single-handedly busted my favorite kind of arrest, a CITIZEN’S ARREST, on a thief in the London suburb of Richmond. Tom also loudly called the thief a “cock.” If you’re saying, “But Michael, you stupid, this is from The Sun, so it’s probably not true,” then I need to tell you to shut your fun-hating lips and stop ruining it for those of us who want to believe that a story about Tom Hardy catching a cock is true! Besides, the cops say it happened.

Witnesses say that on Sunday afternoon, two thieves were driving on a stolen moped when they crashed into a Mercedes. One thief was caught, but the other one ran off. Tom Hardy saw this going down and gave the people an action movie star show. Tom immediately ran after the moped snatcher and chased him through some gardens and a building site. Tom eventually caught up to the thief, grabbed him and screamed a line that I wish I could scream every night and mean it. Tom supposedly said, “I caught the cock!

One witness said that Tom Hardy is really not the one and not only patted the thief down, but checked his ID too.

“Tom Hardy’s clearly not a man you’d mess with. I think he even checked the kid’s ID before cops took over. I asked Tom what happened and he told me he chased him through my back garden and caught him around the block — but the route was like an assault course. This little shit nicked something and now he’s got himself a ­broken leg.”

Both alleged thieves were arrested on suspicion of theft and taking a vehicle without consent. A rep for Richmond Police confirmed to the BBC that Tom Hardy caught one of the thieves. Tom Hardy’s spokesperson wouldn’t comment.

Can you imagine that you’re walking down a street in Richmond and you hear what sounds like Tom Hardy screaming, “I caught the cock”? You’d drop your bags and nearly break your leg bones from running so fast to take in the sight of Tom Hardy catching cock in public. And then you’d be the owner of a pair of blue balls after discovering that Tom caught a different kind of cock.

And I bet that neighborhood is going to have to put up a giant sign that reads: Dear Desperate Cocks, Don’t Try To Crash A Stolen Moped In This Neighborhood, Because We Doubt That Tom Hardy Is Going To Catch You And Pat You Down.

Pic: FameFlynet

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