Open Post: Hosted By These Ridiculous $425 Fake Mud-Smeared Jeans

April 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Have you been thinking about creating a pair of holey jeans with a fake piss stain on the crotch (à la Fergie) and charging $2,300 a pair for them? Well, start tearing some denim and get the trademark on manufactured pee pee stains, because now is the time. 2017 is the year of fucked-up denim. There was the window pane knee jeans from Toshop and then there was Vetements’ $1,870 fart vent jeans. And now a luxury denim brand (their words, not mine) called PRPS is selling a pair of $425 jeans for people who want to look like they’ve been working in the farm all day but don’t want to actually work in the farm all day, because dirt is gross, eww!!!!

PRPS calls this mess the “Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans,” and on Nordstrom’s website, they’re described like this:

Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that’s seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you’re not afraid to get down and dirty.

Yeah, I don’t think I’d ever look at someone wearing a pair of $425 fake mud-smeared jeans and say, “That’s a trick who isn’t afraid to get down and dirty!” I think I’d say, “That’s a trick who IS afraid to get down and dirty because they’re wearing fraudulent down and dirty jeans! That’s also someone who must shred their money for fun because they’ve got too much of it.

This is what the jeans look like from the back. Who wouldn’t want to pay $425 to look like they put a bag of dog cacas in each back pocket, forgot about them and then sat down?

openpostnordstromjeans425-2

No, I would not pay $425 for that mess, but this has given me an idea. The next time I have to go to someone’s house to pick something up, or whatever, and I really don’t want them to invite me in, I’m going to make my own fake “down and dirty jeans.” I’m going to take a pair of old jeans, roll them around in mud, shellack them and voila! Instant invite-detracting jeans! Thanks, PRPS!

Pics: Nordstrom

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