You know when a situation becomes such a messy shit-show that you just want to grab the broom and the dust pail and just sweep it all away and start anew? That’s the feeling that Mel B’s divorce cluster-fuck is inspiring in all of us.
Mel is a judge on America’s Got Talent, but her own personal life show should be called Mel B’s Got Problems. And those problems are an allegedly evil abusive ex and an allegedly evil mastermind of an ex-nanny. The most recent dirty development has been Lorraine Gilles (aka Evil Mary Poppins) filing a defamation lawsuit against Mel. One the things that TMZ reports is that she’s claiming that Scary Spice used to get her drunk and seduce her into group sex with her and dirtbag ex-husband caricature, Stephen Belafonte.
For those just tuning in, Mel and Stephen are in the middle of a gruesome divorce. She’s claimed he beat her, impregnated Evil Mary Poppins and made Mel pay for the abortion, and is in collusion with Evil Mary Poppins in trying to blackmail Mel with sex tapes. But the most underhanded, cutthroat cruel transgression of Stephen’s was when he allegedly accused her of getting in bed with Simon Cowell. That’s when you set fire to your pre-nup and go for a judge’s ruling of “You don’t get shit.” TMZ also reports that Evil Mary Poppins’ defamation of character lawsuit denies those claims and claims that she had a sexual relationship with Mel and Stephen for seven years. Spice up your life, indeed.
Lorraine Gilles should be flattered, because she says that Mel has portrayed her as the inspiration for Joanne the Scammer. Which is to say – a heroine for the shady masses.
According to the suit, Gilles says Mel B portrayed her as a “homewrecker, prostitute, and extortionist, maliciously describing Gilles as being impudent, unscrupulous, and exploitive.”
Lorraine’s suit goes on to say that she was an 18-year-old exchange student when Mel hired her. An 18-year-old exchange student that was lured into a lascivious world of sexy debauchery via alcohol and Girl Power. Mel allegedly told Lorraine that she had an open relationship with Stephen when she hired her, and then she supposedly got her drunk and seduced into a three-way. Lorraine says that any and all sex with Stephen Belafonte was Scary Spice-approved. And as for the sex tapes in question? She says there was never any blackmail, seeing as Lorraine is in them, and Mel was down for it. In fact, she was allegedly a sex tape Martin Scorsese.
As for sex tapes — which Mel B claims Gilles and Belafonte used to extort her — she says flat-out she’s not in possession of any of them. Moreover, she says when they would have sex, Mel B would serve as the camera person and record the encounters and/or “take part in the menage a trois herself.”
If you’re still barely hanging on, nanny Lorraine’s lawsuit also claims that the aforementioned aborted baby wasn’t Stephen Belafonte’s child. Lorraine says she got knocked up by some random in West Hollywood (some ghey making sure?) and went to Mel B for help. Mel supposedly arranged the procedure for her. Lorraine says that she and Stephen hadn’t had sex “for months” when she got pregnant. The only way this story can get any seedier is if we discover someone’s daughter is someone’s sister is someone’s daughter and Jack Nicholson repeatedly slaps Faye Dunaway.