Believe it or not, but Warner Bros. hasn’t realized that they made a bad, bad decision and pulled the plug on the 876th remake of A Star Is Born. A Dirt Star Is Born is still filming, and after shooting scenes at Coachella earlier this week, that future shit show’s director, Bradley Cooper, and his hot double shot scenes in L.A. yesterday. B. Coop looks like a beach hobo who lives under a pier and scares children who are looking for seashells, so thankfully, his double brought the hotness. That peek of stomach skin… That flash of shiny chest…. That sassy hands-on-hips pose that makes b-holes pucker themselves raw…. A star is born and that star is B. Coop Two!
This latest Star Is Born is a country-fied version, and B. Coop plays a fading country star named Jackson Maine and Lady Gaga plays a country singer named Ally. Andrew Dice Clay plays her dad. That shit sounds like the ingredients for a perfect flop. Just the thought of Bradley Cooper crooning out a country song is probably making Razzie voters prematurely write his name down on a ballot. But you know, every pop tricks needs their own campy turd masterpiece. Mariah Carey has Glitter. Beyonce has Obsessed. Brit Brit has Crossroads. Kelly Clarkson has From Justin to Kelly. Chestica Simpson has Blonde Ambition. RiRi has Battleship. And Madonna has (insert the name of any Madge movie that’s not Desperately Seeking Susan, A League Of Their Own or Body of Evidence, which really is an underrated serious cinematic jewel).
And since A Star Is Born shot scenes in the desert, I’m hoping there’s a part in the movie where Jackson Maine and Ally do peyote together, and while boning, he hallucinates her as his hot, sassy body double.