When I read the e-mail subject “Richard Simmons Hospitalized” first thing this morning, I was half-asleep and one drop of caffeine hadn’t entered my body yet, but my eyes still made like that dog’s eyes. But the rainbow dusted dandelion is going to be okay. That’s what his rep, Michael Catalano, tells ABC News anyway.
Michael Catalano says that Richard’s stomach and caca-making parts were in such a bad way yesterday that he needed to get checked out at the hospital. TMZ says it wasn’t a “What’s the number to 911?” situation so an ambulance was not called. Richard was driven to the hospital by one of his people. Michael gave this statement:
“Richard Simmons was hospitalized on Monday at an undisclosed location in California. After a few days of battling severe indigestion and discomfort while eating, we agreed it was best for him to seek treatment. He’s already feeling better and is expected to make a full recovery.”
The human glitter stick also spent three days in Cedars-Sinai hospital last summer. Richard’s people blamed “dehydration” at the time.
Richard recently signed a deal with a company to handle merchandising, licensing and future endorsements. So based on that bit of news, I’m going to choose to believe that in the basement of Cedars-Sinai is a giant rehearsal studio. Richard hasn’t been going to the hospital to treat his ills. For the past year, Richard is preparing to make his much-awaited return to the spotlight and he’s been secretly rehearsing for a sequin-filled, pucker-inducing Las Vegas extravaganza!!! Look, 2016 was a flaming plastic bag of donkey diarrhea and 2017 isn’t turning out any better. So let’s just go with this. We need something to believe in!