I see you moving your mouse arrow to the X on your browser after reading that headline. Because you know it’s time to quit the internet after reading “Cumdog.” Take me with you.
Cumdog doesn’t only sound like the main character in an illegal, soul-burning porn parody of Slumdog Millionaire called Cumdog Millionaire, but it’s also the alter ego of some footballer in Scotland. ESPN FC says that Jason Cummings is a striker for Hibernian, a Scottish football club. I guess when Jason Cummings is bored, he wrestles his rivals in the break room of his team’s training center.
Before the wrestling match, Yersel Cumdog stuffed his secret weapon (a pair rolled-up socks) into his Spandex chonies and then he marched out into the stadium (the break room) to Madonna’s Like A Prayer. Cumdog’s rival, a wrestler named Grado, was eating soup when he got challenged. Grado got up and he and Cumdog went at it and busted out hot wrestling moves, including a dry 69 move.
This mess makes American wrestling look classy and elegant. This is also what it looks like when Tom Cruise gets mad at David Miscavige and confronts him in the Scientology Celebrity Centre dining room.
— Jason Cummings (@Jasoncummings35) April 18, 2017
I’m thankful to Cumdog for at least not wearing a Speedo with a red rocket on the crotch. So thank you for that, Cumdog. And now let’s never speak of Cumdog again (cut to the WWE signing Cumdog to a 10-year deal).