There was a story last month about how Pippa Middleton doesn’t want Meghan Markle upstaging her at her own wedding (like how Pippa’s ass upstaged Duchess Kate) so she’s thrown down a “no ring, no bring” policy to keep that spotlight stealer out. (Side note: “No [cock] ring, no bring” also sounds like a rule for a tantric sex orgy.) People says that Pippa’s wedding ceremony does have a “no ring, no bring” rule but that her wedding reception doesn’t, so the ex-blogger and ex-face of Reitmans is going to that as Prince Hot Ginge’s date. Meghan lucked out. The wedding ceremony is boring and Pippa’s will probably be extra boring. The reception is where it’s at. Free booze. Free cake. Free Jordan almonds. And at the end of the night, you can sneak off with your table’s centerpiece as everyone drunkenly dances to “Last Dance” on the dance floor.
The Jan Brady to Duchess Kate’s Marcia Brady will marry that rich financier dude at St. Mark’s church in the English town of Englefield on May 20. Prince George will be a page boy and Princess Charlotte is going to be a bridesmaid. Okay, I take back what I said about Pippa’s wedding ceremony being extra boring. It won’t be since Prince George is in it. I really hope someone smuggles in an iPhone because I really want to see video of Prince George yanking Pippa’s train and then beat the priest’s leg with a satin pillow.
And I know that in some fancy english weddings, the bridesmaids are little girls, but I’m still going to picture Pippa having her bachelorette party at a play zone.
In other PHG news, he was a guest on the first episode of the podcast Mad World, where writer Bryony Gordon interviews famous people about mental health stuff. PHG was on to promote his mental health awareness charity Heads Together, and he talked about how losing his mother at the age of 12 understandably sent him into a deep depression. PHG says he nearly had a breakdown several times and during his teens and twenties, his way of treating his anger and depression was to ignore his feelings. He got counseling four years ago to deal with the grief of losing his mom.
He says that counseling and boxing have only done good things to his overall mental health:
“During those years I took up boxing, because everyone was saying boxing is good for you and it’s a really good way of letting out aggression. And that really saved me because I was on the verge of punching someone, so being able to punch someone who had pads was certainly easier.”
Well, that description has definitely helped my overall mental health a little bit. My new Prozac is picturing a sweaty and topless Million Dollar Gingey doing that hug technique with another sweaty and topless boxer while grunting. You can always count on me to take a serious interview into the panty cream-filled gutter.