After what has seemed like eons of “just fucking get divorced already,” Jennifer Garner finally filed the official documents to end her marriage to our saddest Batman – Ben Affleck. This means that Ben is going to have to move out of their Pacific Palisades property’s guest house, where he’s been living for the past two years. That also means he’s going to have to finally let the housekeeping staff into the guest house to pick up all the empties, nanny panties, and, of course, that autographed photo (you know he has one) of Tom Brady with the mysterious stains on it. He better leave them a tip!
We’re told Ben has found a house he likes but no deal has closed. As for location, we’re told the priority for both Ben and Jen is to keep the kids together and the parents close as well. The place he’ll move will be close to the family home.
We all know where he’s gonna end up. He’ll be that dirtbag divorced friend of dad’s that moves on to the couch over at Matt Damon’s house. The kids will be irritated, because he sleeps in and they can’t play their PS4. Luciana will have several tense, whispery conversations with Matt about when and if Ben’s going to get his own place. Matt and Ben will get shittoed a couple of times in the garage and drunkenly admit that neither of them can stand that problematic Casey Affleck. And it will all come to a head when Ben brings home the wrong sort of “nanny” and drunkenly introduces her to Matt’s kids as “your new Auntie Sheryl.” Next stop – the Chateau Marmont!
Either that, or he can just live in his car. The hood ornament looks very pricey, so the seats inside have to be comfy.