Kris Jenner Is Still Pimpin’
Kris Jenner is the patron saint of bad mothers. She is so bad, that Dina Lohan probably lets out a wet burp while watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians before turning to her kids and yelling “At least I ain’t that bitch!”.
Now the rest of the world is finally ready to chuck Pimp Mama Kris and her stable of famewhores into the nearest dumpster next to the used condoms where they belong, because ratings for the show have been rapidly declining. It also doesn’t help that the romance between her son, Rob Kardashian, and the always elegant former Twerk Consultant, Blac Chyna, is on life support. What’s a pimp to do? Well, she’s decided to toss a couple dollars at Blac Chyna to make her stay with Rob! And since Chyna is used to having money thrown at her, it’s a totally acceptable and reasonable proposition.
Star reports that since KUWTK ratings are suffering, Pimp Mama Kris is banking on Rob and Chyna’s show, Rob & Chyna, to bring back the fame and attention she’s been longing for since she was a struggling mother of six in Beverly Hills. She’s offered to cut Chyna a child support check. Not on behalf of Rob, mind you, but on behalf of her daughter Kylie’s ex-boyfriend, Tyga. You remember Tyga? The mu’fucka who was “dating” Kylie when she was still underage? I’m sure you haven’t forgotten that he also has a baby with Chyna. If you didn’t, you have too much time on your hands (like me). If you did, let me break it all the way down for you real quick: Tyga, who was fucking Rob’s youngest sister, has a baby with Rob’s baby mom. It ain’t enough Lysol or Febreeze in the world to wash the funk off that situation, but who cares? That’s their life and not ours!
Anyway, ever since Kylie blew Tyga one last kiss with her mattress-sized lips, he’s been unable to make his child support payments to Chyna, so Pimp Mama Kris has done the noble thing and stepped up to foot the bill as long as Chyna stays with Rob.
You know what Pimp Mama Kris, I ain’t mad at you! You saw that there was a problem and you came with real solutions. Real dumb solutions, because this shit ain’t gonna work. But hey, whatever. As long as you’re thinking about the kids, right? And I can already hear the sound of debit cards being run through chip readers at plastic surgeon offices and weave stores, because you know Chyna’s gonna take the money. Why the hell wouldn’t she? Since she can only write the name “Angela Kardashian“ in notebooks she hides from the rest of the family now, so why not make a come up?
Pic: FameFlyNet