Thank Kelly Osbourne’s Pom Pom in advance for making a “Bitch, please” face over this interview so you don’t have to!
While promoting her new book There Is No Fucking Secret: Letters from a Badass Bitch, Kelly Osbourne has already called out attention whores who she says are faking Lyme disease to get sympathy and a cover of Life & Style. Kelly is now telling young famous tricks who pretend to be gay for attention that she’s got their fake gay number, hussy. Kelly also says that she wishes she was a gayelle, but then also says that everybody is gay. My brain barely functions as it is and it shut down several times during Kelly’s interview.
You know my honest opinion? Everybody’s gay. It is a strictly human thing. You can’t put a gender on love.
Okay, but then Kelly dribbled out words about how she’s tired of young famous chicks (see: Lindsay Lohan) who claim to strictly love coochie but then jump on a dick.
I’ll tell you who’s the worst with it: young female celebrities. And I’m like, I know you. I’ve known you pretty much since before you used to shit outside of a diaper. You are not gay! But I think outing somebody in that way is just as bad as outing somebody who has not come out of the closet. It’s one of those things I have to keep to myself… and it drives me fucking crazy! I’ve marched till my feet bled for the right of equal love in the gay community, and you’re just gonna step in because it looks cool for you and now tell everybody that you’re a lesbian when you’ve never even seen another puss that’s not yours so you can get attention?
And then Kelly said that she wishes her vagine howled for other vagines before once again saying that everyone is gay.
You know, I was so disappointed that I didn’t have a gay sibling. I was disappointed that I wasn’t gay even! Though I do still think that everybody’s gay, but still.
Did you get all that? Or did your brain shut down and refuse to reboot?
So to recap, Kelly Osbourne wishes she was gay and is sick of fake lezzies, but also thinks everyone is gay. I’m not a scientist, but is it possible that the kind of purple hair dye that Kelly uses seeped into her skull and ate away the part of her brain that knows what an oxymoron is? I don’t know that, but I do know that if Kelly is marching until her feet are bloody, then she should get better shoes. Get some Easy Spirits, bitch!