When it comes to epic jaw dropping moments of “what the fuck??!,” nobody brings it like the world famous Jackson family (aka the 80’s Kardashians).
One of the original members, Janet Jackson, has been entertaining us with bits and pieces from her secretive, crazy life. Earlier this year, she dropped her first kid at age 50. Yes, her first kid at 50. Then, what felt like a few seconds later, she split from her husband of five years, multi-billionaire businessman Wissam Al Mana.
Many have speculated that Janet knowingly waited the proper amount of time the tell Wissam #byebitch in hopes of doubling up on her prenup after giving birth to son Eissa back in January, even though sources close to the couple claim she never once considered the shitload of money this divorce would bring her (let’s wait a while to believe that!). Well, now it’s Wissam’s turn to add his two million cents, because what’s a Jackson scandal without everyone feeling like they need to say shit?
According to People, Wissam decided to play Petty Patty by going to his website and blessing the children with a few cryptic passages from the Quran:
“You shall most certainly be tried in your possessions and in your persons; and indeed you shall hear many hurtful things from those to whom revelation was granted before your time, as well as from those who have come to ascribe divinity to other beings beside Allah,” the homepage of WissamAlMana.com reads. “But if you remain patient in adversity and conscious of Him – this, behold, is something to set one’s heart upon.”
This basically translates to “You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone ‘cuz bitch I’m about to ruin yo’ LIFE!!!”. Honestly, Wissam looks like the type to be the bitter one in a divorce unlike Janet, who has since been spotted out around London running errands.
“Janet was out on her own at a shop on King’s Road,” says a source about the quick outing on Monday. “It’s really unusual to see her out of the house because she hardly seems to venture out at all.”
Perhaps she decided to venture out so she could start putting down payments on all the shit she’s gonna blow Wissam’s money on, because that’s what I would be doing. Allegedly, their marriage was rocky, and after Eissa was born, their cultural difference became too noticeable to ignore, so divorce was probably inevitable.
And let’s be honest, Janet’s not new to the divorce game. This is will be her third (and more than likely most lucrative) divorce after attempting marriage with S-Curl pioneer James DeBarge in the 80’s and bra-hands Rene Elizondo in the 90’s. She decided to take a hiatus from marriage last decade, though she had a highly publicized eight-year romance with everyone’s favorite billy goat, Jermaine Dupri.
Now, I’m no Detective LaToya, but my psychic abilities tell me that all of this is about to get messier than one of Baby Eissa’s diapers and probably stink far worse. And now Janet’s decision to cut her concert short makes even more sense, because she was probably at home plotting on the best way to get all of the money. See, Joe Jackson, your baby girl was listening after all!