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April 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Gofer Cakes!

Nobody knew disappointment like a kid in the 90s after learning that the delicious-looking Ding Dong impersonators called Gofer Cakes in the Gofer Cakes commercial weren’t real and that the commercial was actually a sneaky lecture. In the 90s, the Presidential Council On Physical Fitness And Sports became the Presidential Council On Tricking Kids when it fooled children into thinking that an over-eating and pro-exercise PSA was a commercial for a new chocolate snack cake that was filled with so much sugary ecstasy that it made your eyes roll to the back of your head.

The PSA started with a kid and his friends going to his house after school and finding plenty of boxes of Gofer Cakes. To paraphrase Tina Fey’s daughter: I want to go to that kid’s house. They pull out the Gofer Cakes and it turns into a scene out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory if all of the kids got every kind of stoned before going into the factory. The kids in this PSA are like Augustus Gloop on the right kind of weed. They shove Gofer Cakes into their greedy eating holes, eat that deliciousness with chocolate syrup and whipped cream and make the kind of shake that I wish I was guzzling down right now. It’s cracked out hedonism!

You’re supposed to be grossed out by the gluttony of it all, but I say to myself, “Why can’t I be them?”, while watching it. Some PSAs use shock tactics to scare a trick. So you’d think that this one would end with a shot of the kids sitting in the hospital with missing limbs after they got diabetes. But instead, it ends with them taking a nap. I’d take a nap too. I’d want to rest up for round two of Gofer Cake eatin’!

This act of trickery is almost more cruel than the time my mom brought a chocolate cupcake home and it turned out to be made of carob and whole wheat flour. I can never trust anyone ever again because of that.

Pic: YouTube

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