Whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror after a Taco Bell bender looking like Shrek’s long-lost twin sister, I usually tackle it head-on by saying “fuck it” and eat more garbage. Embrace that swamp ogre life, you know? Luckily Katy Perry is famous, which means that when she feels ugly, she can look up hot pictures of herself on the internet.
On April Fools’ Day, Katy Instagrammed an 18-year-old messed-up picture of herself and joked it was her album cover. A few days later, she posted a couple pics of herself getting a jaw massage. No, it wasn’t the kind of “jaw massage” that violates Instagram’s community guidelines. Katy’s face looked busted in that pic too. It chipped away at Katy’s self-esteem, so she remedied it by posting this:
When Katy searches for hot pics of herself, it’s hard for her to lose. Google will unload hundreds of hot pics for her to choose from, and all of them are already Photoshopped. I just think she better be a bit careful. She got lucky this time. She searched “Katy Perry hot” and she got a hot picture. But one of these days, Google is going to pull one over on her and slip in an unflattering paparazzi pic of her sweating her ass off on a beach somewhere.