Cheryl Burke Is The New Abby Lee Miller, For Now

March 29, 2017 / Posted by:

Two days ago, The Boogeyman’s idol, Abby Lee Miller, melodramatically farted up an Instagram post where she announced that she’s leaving Dance Moms forever, because she refuses to be manipulated and used by the producers anymore. I’m with Abby. Don’t the producers know that Abby Lee Miller is the only one allowed to do the manipulating and using on Dance Moms? Before Abby quit the show, Lifetime ordered more episodes, so producers brought in choreographer Laurieanne Gibson to fill in. Entertainment Tonight says that Laurieanne filmed for three weeks but left when Abby Lee Miller stormed back on set and demanded that her replacement be kicked off. Entertainment Tonight also says that my former arch rival (in my head), Cheryl “Mop Head” Burke, is taking over for Abby for the rest of the season. So yeah, the girls will go from shaking as Abby screams at them to falling asleep mid-pirouette from listening to boring Cheryl Burke.

Cheryl was papped outside of a dance studio in L.A. today and she wouldn’t talk about replacing Abby, but the fame whore hyenas (read: the Dance Moms) outside did. They told TMZ that Abby left weeks ago and they’re happy to be done with her. Meanwhile, Abby slithered over to E! News to say that the producers of the show have destroyed her livelihood and fucked with her business, which is her studio. Abby also feels sorry for Cheryl since she’s going from working with professional producers on Dancing with the Has-Beens to working with the messes on Dance Moms.

“If she had to go what I go through every day, I would be flipping thrilled that somebody else in the entertainment industry who has the career that she has had on Dancing With the Stars, with the costume makers on Dancing With the Stars, with the producers on Dancing With the Stars, and then had to step down to this? Oh, honey.

I think they will treat her differently. I think everybody will be on their toes. I think that Lifetime will pour a ton of money into advertising because they want to prove that I was nothing and I was nobody and they saved me.”

Abby is facing prison time for bankruptcy fraud. So part of me thinks this is all scripted drama created by the producers to explain why Abby is “away.” The other part of me thinks that Abby wants to make as much cash as possible before she goes off to teach kick-ball-change to prison birds in Cell Block C and is pulling this stunt to get producers to pay up for her return.

And then there’s a third part of me who knows that I’ll probably die alone amongst my 12 cats since I’ve been seriously thinking about Dance Moms gossip for the past hour. Please, 12 future cats, don’t eat my dead body.

Pics: Splash

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