The Emmy Goes To…. Alexander Skarsgard’s “Peen” For Its Performance In “Big Little Lies”

March 27, 2017 / Posted by:

I watched last night’s episode of Big Little Lies and completely missed the special guest appearance by the dick that flopped out of Alexander Skarsgard’s pants during a scene. But in my broken dickdar’s defense, the peen that popped out of ASkars’ pants during last night’s episode was most likely fake. Yes, it was big, but it was also a lie.

During a disturbing scene (SPOILER ALERT, duh) where ASkars’ violent taint pimple of a character expects his wife, played by Nicole Kidman, to have sex with him, he pulls out his peen. Cosmopolitan posted this screen shot of Nicole looking like she’s holding a fat stairway rail (or about to buy a salami log at Hickory Farms), but she’s actually holding onto her husband’s giant crotch salchicha:

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ASkars’ character ends up attacking Nicole’s character and she responds by finally giving him what he deserves: a whack to the dick with a tennis racket. But before she did that, ASkars’ Swedish potato sausage made a full appearance.

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That kind of looks like a fat carrot that would break a rabbit’s tooth, and well, when Alexander Skarsgard’s peen came out to play on True Blood, it didn’t look like that. So yeah, the giant rubber dick that Marky Mark wore in Boogie Nights probably got more work in Big Little Lies. But I am sensing a theme here….

Whenever Alexander Skarsgard is on HBO, he gives us a full frontal scene. I better shake away the shame of not spotting a dick, because I have to get to work and write HBO a long letter begging them to please put ASkars on Game of Thrones, Westworld, Veep, Silicon Valley, Insecure, Last Week Tonight and Real Time with Bill Maher. It should be easy to convince HBO to put Alexander Skarsgard’s peen on the last one since it’s a show where a big dick loves talking to bigger dicks.

Pics: HBO via Cosmopolitan

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