Val Kilmer Is Fully In Love With Cate Blanchett

March 26, 2017 / Posted by:

The defiantly cancer-free Val Kilmer is probably the only person who didn’t snicker a little bit when they saw Cate Blanchett done up as a middle-aged The Sisters of Mercy fan for the next Thor flick. That’s because the best Batman (it’s an unpopular opinion but come find me if you feel differently) is in glorious Twitter love with the Australian actress.

Val has turned his Twitter feed into a veritable shrine dedicated to Cate Blanchett worship. It wouldn’t surprise me if noted eccentric Val dresses up his pets as Galadriel, Kate Hepburn, and a closeted lesbian housewife in the 1950s. Wait, scratch that, it probably shouldn’t be cats.

He says that he once flew Down Under to terrify meet Cate, but her husband showed up instead.

Undeterred, he kept visiting her in his dreams. Much cheaper that way and no one has to dial (Australia’s version of 911), 000.

Keeping it creepy, Val retweeted this and I’m thinking he’s taking what she’s saying the wrong way. (Keep 000 on speed dial, Andrew Upton.)

Val notes that the other superstars don’t do things to him the way Cate does things to him. Does Cate KNOW she’s doing things to him? Also, she keeps it real. She keeps it so real that she’s unreal? Someone pry Val’s Benjamin Buttons Blu-Ray out of his sweaty hands.

He’s especially into the way she handles digging implements. The Fuck?

Any mention of Cate on Twitter might want to pull something protective in latex over itself.

All of these heated, worshipful tweets might give you the impression that Cate is the only gal for Val. You could imagine him wallpapering his home with her image, only dining as Outback Steakhouse, and paying hookers to dress up as a visually severe Queen Elizabeth I. But it turns out Val is fickle as fuck! Right on the heels of that last masturbatory tweet about Cate, he began tweet-stalking a new chick!

Val’s cats just got their costumes switched to… Jessica Chastain… in like every movie, but I couldn’t tell you who she’s played that’s memorable. Don’t come at me with The Help. The only thing I remember from that movie is Octavia Spencer’s nasty pie tricks.

Pic: Splash

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