The One Direction/Girls Aloud Baby Is Here

March 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Former One Direction member Liam Payne twinked a fetus into former Girls Aloud member Cheryl (tn: Cheryl Ann Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini) nine months ago, and now that future British pop icon has emerged from the birth canal.

Liam announced on Instagram that Cheryl uncrossed her legs and gave the world a whole slew of upcoming OK! and HELLO! magazine articles on Wednesday of this week. One Direction fans who wanted Liam’s seed for their own wombs (and have also had to deal with another 1D-er spawning fairly recently) must already be suggesting baby names on social media. Although, I’m not sure “CherylColeIsEvilAndImLiamsOneAndOnly” is something you find in a baby naming book.

“My close friends and family know there are very few times when I’m left speechless… wow!” he wrote Saturday. “I’m incredibly happy to welcome our new baby boy into the world, it’s a moment that I will never forget for the rest of my life and my favourite memory I have so far.”

Payne added, “I’m completely in awe of his incredible mother and how she has been the whole way through this, she’s really made my dreams come true. We haven’t named him yet but he’s already capturing hearts including mine. I feel very blessed. Happy Mother’s Day everyone!”

There’s no longer any need to mail out those birth announcements when you can just use your phone. Gratitude for that because there’s always guilt involved when the postcard shows up in your mailbox and you think the baby looks off despite the fascist viewpoint that all babies are cute. If it’s online, you can quickly keep scrolling. Cheryl used the same pic that’s above that Liam used in his post, and also added a little note on her Instagram:

On Wednesday 22nd March Liam and I became parents to an incredibly beautiful, healthy baby boy, weighing 7lb 9 and looking like a dream. Although he still doesn’t have a name he is already stealing hearts. We are all madly in love and overwhelmingly happy with our little arrival. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers around the world. A day that now has a different meaning to me forever 💙

Hopefully, Liam and Cheryl are able to keep it together now that they have a human between them. It’s always nice for a kid if his originators get along. A baby is pressure enough (they cry and they’re filthy and you have to teach them about toilets). But then you’ve got Liam’s crazed One Directioner fans lurking about. We’ve all seen either The Hand That Rocks The Cradle or a soap opera scene wherein some loon tries to breastfeed some other lady’s baby. Cheryl could come down to Unnamed Boy Band Baby’s nursery one morning to find the kid homing in LiamsTrueLuv86’s nipple. Kids don’t care. I was babysitting my infant nephew one time, I held him a little too closely to my chest, and he tried to latch onto my tit through my shirt. True, I’ve got the unfortunate manboobs, but no, kid, just no.

Pic: Instagram

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