Usually the theme of an episode of Dancing with the Stars is: desperate bitches doing a lazy waltz for a check and relevancy. But the theme of last night’s season premiere of Dancing with CHARO! (And A Bunch Of Tricks You Don’t Care About) was: cooch. There were performances by the Cuchi Cuchi queen herself and Erika “Pat The Puss” Jayne, and the hand of some bull rider just so happened to make its way onto the cooch of his partner.
Yes, I watched last night’s episode, because Charo is my religion, so that episode was like my Christmas (Charomas). Bonner Bolton, the professional bull rider with a gay porn star name, was teamed up with pro dancer Sharna Burgess. Even before they danced, producers pushed the showmance of Boner (that’s honestly what his name should be) and Sharna. Their manufactured flirting was so fake that it made Kaley Cuoco and Henry Cavill’s PRelationship look like the organic love affair of our time. Their flirting was cringe fuel, but things really got awkward during the show when the camera caught Boner’s paw moseying on over to Sharna’s CoochTown. Sharna quickly realized that Boner was Trump’ing her and she moved his hand away.
— Jeannine Betro (@JeannineKnight) March 21, 2017
I know, trick is on a reality show AND he’s a pussy grabber. In 2025, expect to hear the words, “Everyone, please stand, and ladies cover your pussies, for the new President of the United States, Boner Bolton!”
But both Boner and Sharna claim that it was just an accident and he didn’t mean to turn the show into Groping with the Cowboys. Boner said this to Entertainment Tonight afterward:
“I was just stargazed by Nick and Peta’s performance and I was looking at the TV screen. I felt her bump into me yet I wasn’t really looking at what was bumping into me. There was some hand placement that went south, so to speak.”
Sharna defended Boner on Twitter and says that anybody who thinks the crotch grab was anything but an accident needs to write DUNCE on a cone cap and go sit their asses in the corner.
Anyone who has the ridiculous idea that it was intentional…is straight up stupid. As in lacking th intelligence to realize it was innocent
— Sharna Burgess (@SharnaBurgess) March 21, 2017
Okay, so they both say it was not intentional, but that moment still got the most attention from that episode. I just hope the producers don’t try to get even more attention by adding more unauthorized crotch grabbing foolery to each episode. Because the only Cuchi Cuchi action I want to see on that wreck of a show is this:
Charo and her partner Keo Motsepe scored a 21 out of 40, which was the third lowest of the night. May the spirit of my abuelita slap me, but I’m beginning to think that there is no God. Because if there was a God, I’d like to think that they’d throw a lightning bolt at every DWTS judge who gave anything less than a 10 to the Spanish Jesus in a ponytail named Charo!
Pic: ABC/The Daily Mail,