Meet Jamie Keeton, aka “The Human Suction Cup.” The 47-year-old Chicagoan has a rare skin condition that makes objects stick to him. Those objects would include “bottles, cans, phones” and “pads of paper,” according to The Huffington Post. Jamie works as a sideshow artist and describes himself as “a real-life X-man-type person.” I’d much rather see this dude in the next X-movie as opposed to overrated Jennifer Lawrence all naked and blue. No thanks.
Jamie holds a Guinness World Record for “most drink cans placed on the head using air suction” (you really can do pretty much anything to get in that thing), and can pour drinks out of bottles attached to his skin.
“Everything sticks to me as long as it’s got a hard surface that can suck to me,” Keeton told The Wizard Of Odd, a YouTube channel featuring humans doing extraordinarily weird things. “Most of the time when I’m walking around, people think the cans of glue are magnetized. … That’s why I use a lot of aluminum and plastic, so none of its magnetizable.”
You can see more of his fantastic feats of sucking below. Ok, I’ll ask it. What about when he’s getting after it with someone? Do they stick to him? That could be helpful during, but after the act might be a little awkward. “No, you’re not still in me but yes, we’re still attached. Do we have to call 911?”