Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Got Matching “Binding” Tattoos Just Months Before The Fall Of Brangelina
When a marriage is ten seconds away from sucking divorce’s dick, some couple’s try to save their relationship by renewing their vows and others grit their teeth and fuck their way to a Band-Aid baby. And then there’s St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt, who got matching tattoos to bind them together. Hopefully the tattoo artiste tattooed warranty information on their bodies, because they should probably get their money back.
Angie filed for divorce from Brad in September 2016, and Metro says that about 7 months before that in February, they were in Cambodia where she was directing First They Killed My Father. Angie flew her ex-monk/tattoo artiste friend Ajarn Noo Kanpai in from Bangkok to ink her and Brad up. Ajarn Noo Kanpai doesn’t use a tattoo gun. He uses steel rods mounted with a needle and he used that shit to do three mystical Sak yant tattoos on Angie’s back. He also tattooed a Buddhist symbol on the left side of Brad’s stomach.
The Daily Mail has pictures of the binding tattoos that Angie got on her back. They don’t have any pictures of Brad’s supposed Buddhist symbol tattoo, so I’m just going to choose to believe he got a tattoo of Buddha riding a giant bong like a horse while doing The Shocker hand signal.
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) March 13, 2017
Metro says that the tattoos were supposed to symbolically bind Brad and Angie as husband and wife. But as we’ve learned time and time again, sometimes when a couple gets tattoos of each other, the universe laughs at their asses and spits out a, “Dumb bitches will never learn!“, before breaking them up. If you ever want to dump a trick and don’t know how to do it, just tattoo their name on your body and let the universe take it from there.
Angie has a few Brad tattoos, including that “Whiskey Bravo” tat on her high, and Brad also has some Angie tattoos. So in the near future, their bodies will probably be hit with a laser over and over again. But Angie’s second husband, Billy Bob Thornton, has a different idea. When Angie and Billy Bob broke up, she had her Billy Bob tattoo removed and replaced it with the birthplaces of her kids and Brad (she’s supposedly in the process of getting Brad’s birthplace lasered off of her arm). TMZ asked Billy Bob about Angie’s latest Brad tattoo and he just said you can always buff it out or cover it up. Brad will probably take Billy Bob’s advice. I’m sure that Ben Affleck will take Brad to his tattoo shop so that Brad can cover up those Angie tattoos with a sweet and badass tat of an Ed Hardy phoenix rising from the ashes while wearing a totally awesome fedora and transition lenses glasses. And then Brad will really show Angie that he’s done with her by getting this tattooed on his tramp stamp zone:
And here’s St. Angie strolling through LAX with the child army the other day: