Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Hidden Valley Pizza Ranch dressing!

For centuries, parents haven’t been trying to find ways to get their children to eat from the nasty and useless food group known as vegetables. During the 90s, Hidden Valley Ranch, the birthplace of the nectar of America (ranch dressing), came up with a way for kids to eat their vegetables. They put out four flavors for kids: Pizza Ranch, Nacho Cheese, Taco and Super Creamy. Yeah, I’m not sure why they went with “Super Creamy.” They should’ve went all the way with the fourth flavor by going with: Bacon-Encrusted Hamburger-Wrapped Double-Deep Fried Corn Dog Ranch. Or they should’ve gone with a mystery flavor called: Only For Kids Since Most Are Still Too Young To Have A Coronary Ranch.

I only had the Pizza Ranch, and from what I remember, it tasted like liquid heaves. If one person gorged themselves on ranch and another person gorged themselves on pepperoni pizza and they both barfed into a bowl, the stench wafting off it would smell like what Hidden Valley Pizza Ranch tasted like.

I don’t think it was on the ingredients list, but judging by the mega-90s commercial, one of the secret ingredients in Hidden Valley Ranch’s kid-flavored dressings was probably LSD. Because after one bite, you imagined yourself with a pizza, taco or nacho head.

Pizza Ranch and the others didn’t live long. So if you want Pizza Ranch dressing, you have to blend together pizza slices with ranch dressing. Or just ask Guy Fieri to spit on your salad (not a euphemism, unless you want it to be, you sick bitch) since I’m sure his bodily fluids are pure Pizza Ranch.

Pic: YouTube

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