On February 17, 2017, this site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner May Finally File For Divorce From Ben Affleck.
On February 23, 2017, this same site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner Might Not File For Divorce From Ben Affleck Just Yet.
And now People is saying that Jennifer Garner is no longer planning to legally quit Ben Affleck and they’ve both pressed the pause button on filing for divorce. These messes! They better send all of us a jumbo-sized bottle of Xanax and a barrel of red wine, because they have taken us on a roller coaster of emotions (not really).
A source close to Jennifer (either her publicist or a barista at Farmshop in the Brentwood Country Mart) says that they’re trying to Super Glue the cracks in their marriage that got there from Ben wet humping on the damn nanny.
“Jen has called off the divorce,” a source close to Garner tells PEOPLE in the latest issue. “She really wants to work things out with Ben. They are giving things another try.”
But a source close to the couple says it was a decision they both made: “There is always a chance of reconciliation. They love each other. They also really, really love their kids, and those kids love their parents.”
Okay, but what about the douche-ified mid-life crisis that Ben was in the middle of after splitting up with Jennifer? Ben got himself a totally badass muscle car. Ben got an Ed Hardy skid mark tattooed on his back. And Ben has been vaping. But he still hasn’t completely blown his mid-life crisis load. And to do that, he needs to quickie marry a Reno, NV casino waitress and get dumped by her the next day after she finds out he knocked up her day-shift stripper sister.
So since Ben may still be in mid-life crisis mode, does Jennifer really want to sit shot gun in his bright orange Corvette Stingray and watch as he fist pumps while singing along to a Chainsmokers song. Think about that, Jen!!!!!
Here’s Jennifer Garner working the holy stroll in front of a church on Sunday. Sorry, Jesus, but there’s no days off in the pap stroll game.