On the bright side, we’ll always have those pictures of Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom on vacation in Sardinia with a very special appearance by his dick. On the downside, we still have those nightmare-making pictures of Katy and Orlando dressed up as Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump for Halloween.
Katy and Orlando say that they haven’t split up for good and are on a break. Katy and Orlando’s reps released a statement to People and it sounds like it was copied straight out of a book called Gwyneth Paltrow’s Guide to So Extra Split Announcements.
“Before rumors or falsifications get out of hand, we can confirm that Orlando and Katy are taking Are Takiing at this time.”
“Respectful, loving space” makes it sound like they’re still doing each other, just over the phone from different houses, depending on whether This Is Us has a new episode on that week or not. As for that whole thing about rumors, they might be referring to some pictures of Orlando looking “VERY close” to a mystery brunette at a pre-Oscars party last week.
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) March 1, 2017
Grainy pictures of a not-single Orlando flirting with a brunette at a club? Hmmm, I feel like I’ve seen this before.
Katy and Orlando attended Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty on Sunday night together. I’m no body language expert, but I’d say it didn’t appear that they were counting down the seconds before they could get as far away from each other as possible.
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) February 27, 2017
But that might have just been some good acting on their part. A source tells People that Katy and Orlando “didn’t spend much time” together at the party, and that the only real interaction they had was posing for pictures.
The Daily Mail is doing a really good job of making it seem like Katy and Orlando’s relationship ended because he got caught with some rando last week. But personally? I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that it ended after Katy’s performance at the Brit Awards. I bet the person in that little house that fell off the stage did it on purpose as a big romantic gesture for Katy. And then when they got backstage, the person inside the house was like “I guess you could say I’ve…fallen…for you.” I mean, how could you deny the romance in that? That’s like ten nude paddleboards.