Archives: March 2017

Warren Beatty Wants A Public Explanation For What Happened On Oscar Night

March 1, 2017 / Posted by:

We’re three days into Envelopeageddon, and we’ve pretty much gotten to the bottom of how La La Land was mistakenly announced as Best Picture at the Oscars over the actual winner, Moonlight. The accounting firm PricewaterhouseCoopers admitted that they accidentally gave Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway the wrong envelope. PwC’s apologies still aren’t enough for Warren and he wants a full explanation of what happened on Sunday night.

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Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom Are Taking “Respectful, Loving Space” From Each Other

March 1, 2017 / Posted by:

On the bright side, we’ll always have those pictures of Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom on vacation in Sardinia with a very special appearance by his dick. On the downside, we still have those nightmare-making pictures of Katy and Orlando dressed up as Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump for Halloween.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 1, 2017 / Posted by:

The slogan: You Bet Your Sweet Aspercreme!

Aspercreme sounds like the name of a soothing ointment you smear on your swollen b-hole after Bengay nails you right, and it is a cream that temporarily relieves pain and is supposed to help with swelling, but I don’t think you’re supposed to smear it on your b-hole. Not that I found out the hard way or anything. (Aspercreme also sounds like the name of a cream that helps people with Asperger’s.) Because Aspercreme is pronounced “ass-per-cream,” someone eventually decided, that hey, they should make the most out of “ass” and use it in their slogan.

I always thought that the slogan, “You bet your sweet Aspercreme,” came out in the 1980s, because I can picture my young gay self being SHOCKED and also loving it. But the internet tells me that, “You bet your sweet Aspercreme,” didn’t make its debut until 2005. Since this country is full of prudes and borings, many probably bet their sweet ass creme that the slogan would be killed right away and it was. It didn’t last long. “You bet your sweet Aspercreme” is already pretty G-rated, but it was replaced with the stupid and extra G-rated slogan, “You bet, if it’s Aspercreme.” Dumb!

Oh, Aspercreme, you can change it, but your slogan to me will forever be, “You bet your sweet Aspercreme!

I didn’t plan it, but this is the perfect HSOTD for this Ass Wednesday. And yes, you bet your sweet Aspercreme that I’ll need to rub some Aspercreme on my face after the ghost of my abuelita slaps me red for making an Ash Wednesday “joke.”

Pic: YouTube

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Birthday Sluts

March 1, 2017 / Posted by:

Harry Belafonte (90)
Justin Bieber (23)
Kesha (30)
Lupita Nyong’o (34)
Jensen Ackles (39)
Liya Kebede (39)
Esther Cañadas (40)
Tate Stevens (42)
Mark-Paul Gosselaar (43)
Javier Bardem (48)
George Eads (50)
Paul Hollywood (51)
Booker T (52)
Bryan Batt (54)
Maurice Benard (54)
Russell Wong (54)
Tim Daly (61)
Catherine Bach (63)
Ron Howard (63)
Dirk Benedict (72)
Roger Daltrey (73)
Robert Conrad (82)
Alan Thicke (1947-2016)

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