Jimmy Kimmel’s longest running joke is that he hates Matt Damon. It started years ago on Jimmy Kimmel Live! when he joked that Matt Damon had been bumped from the show for time, which eventually spawned 2008’s viral clap-back “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” and a special all-Matt episode in 2013 called Jimmy Kimmel Sucks!. Last night, Jimmy kept the joke going by poking ans scratching at Matt Damon pretty much every chance he got.
Matt Damon’s shitty night actually started on the red carpet when Michael Strahan called him “Ben.” Michael Strahan probably had a brain fart and confused Matt Damon with his BFF (bulky friend forever) Ben Affleck. But I like to think that before the show, Jimmy Kimmel snuck onto the red carpet and offered a crisp $20 to anyone with a mic and said “Call the pretty boy DILF anything but Matt.”
— Nicole Maffeo Russo (@nicolerusso) February 27, 2017
Then when he got inside, Matt was worked into Jimmy’s monologue. Jimmy talked about uniting America and making nice with people you don’t like, which segued into Jimmy roasting Matt for The Great Wall.
“I would like to bury the hatchet with someone I’ve had issues with. Matt Damon. Now Matt, I’ve known Matt for a long time now. I’ve known Matt so long, when I first met Matt, I was the fat one.
And we’ve had problems. He’s a selfish person. Those of you who’ve worked with him know this. But Matt did something very unselfish, and I want to commend him for it. Matt could have starred in Manchester by the Sea…and he could have taken that lead actor part for himself. But he didn’t. He gave that role to Casey Affleck, his childhood friend. He handed what turned out to be an Oscar-caliber role over to his friend, and made a Chinese ponytail movie instead. And that movie, The Great Wall, went on to lose 80 million dollars.”
If you want to see what it looks like when Matt Damon wishes he’d sent his Team America puppet in his place, it happens at the 1:37 mark.
The Oscars was 1.6 billion hours long, and I’m pretty sure Matt was dragged for at least 89% of that time. When Matt and Ben Affleck went to present the award for Best Adapted Screenplay, Matt kept getting played off by the orchestra. Even Matt’s chair was out to get him.
— Monte the Color Man (@Monte_Colorman) February 27, 2017
During the show, there were a couple segments about actors gushing over their favorite movies, which was supposed to represent the theme of “Inspiration“, I guess? Well, of course Matt got shit on during that too.
Here’s Matt and his wife Luciana Barroso before the night ended with Luciano dabbing at Matt’s tears with a Kleenex and offering to cheer him up by taking him out for ice cream (I assume that happened). Also included, Matt’s personal Biff Tannen and his very pregnant wife Molly McNearney at the Vanity Fair afterparty.