Hot Sluts Of The Day!

February 27, 2017 / Posted by:

Gary From Chicago and his fiancee Vicki Vines!

Tip: If you’re ever on one of those tourist bus tours through Hollywood and they take you to a mysterious theater to see some kind of mysterious exhibit, make sure you’re in the front, because they may be taking your ass to the Oscars. And you’ll want to be in front so that you can get married by Denzel Washington, get a free pair of sunglasses from Jennifer Aniston and be the first to jack off Mahershala Ali’s Oscar.

A bunch of tourists were brought into the Dolby Theater in Hollywood last night and Jimmy Kimmel claims that they had no idea they were at the OSCUHS! They were supposedly told that they were going to a wax museum. That wasn’t really a lie since a huge chunk of those famous tricks in the audience are made of wax. Gary From Chicago and his fiancee Vicki Vines (which is a perfect name because it sounds like the name of an off-brand Vicki Vale) were in the front of the group of tourists so they got all the attention and camera time. It’s a good thing they did, because they brought it.

Gary From Chicago was wearing everything found in a Stereotypical Tourist Starter Kit. He had on a Hollywood sweatshirt and shorts, was carrying a tote bag and wouldn’t put down his phone. Jimmy said to him that they were on TV so he didn’t need to record everything and Gary From Chicago shot back with, “I know, but I want to. I want to.” That is such a Gary From Chicago thing to say. And when Jimmy said to GFC, “I feel like you’re ignoring the white celebrities,” his response was: “Yes, I am.” Can someone please direct me to the petition to get Gary From Chicago to host next year’s Oscars?

Since Jimmy Kimmel is a shameless STUNT QUEEN who can never be trusted, there’s a good chance that Gary From Chicago is actually Daniel The Actor From Studio City and his “fiancee” Vicki Vines was also hired from central casting to do this stunt, but for now, I’m going to choose to believe they weren’t actors. Let me have that at least!

Gary From Chicago has already become an overnight star and he’s already getting offered free shit. The Chicago Bulls invited him to a game and he’s got free pizza waiting for him.

Gary From Chicago and Vicki Vines stole the entire show without even trying, so the producers should’ve gotten them to hand out Best Picture. There’s no way they would’ve fucked that up like Bonnie and Clyde did. But then again, Gary From Chicago and Vicki Vines wouldn’t have gotten around to announcing the winner because they’d be too busy taking selfies with the audience.

Pic: ABC/@nytvideo

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