Hot Slut Of The Day!
Nestle Alpine White, the latest craze from Europe!
It took only 12 years and 22 days of Hot Sluts for it to happen, but Nestle Alpine White is finally get the HSOTD homage it deserves. In 1986, Nestle knew that what the palates of Americans really needed is to be elevated to the culinary heavens, so they released Alpine White (with Almonds). Alpine White was pure white chocolate deliciousness (okay, it was probably 0.2% chocolate and the rest was sugar and melted rubber, still delicious) that was embedded with almonds. At one point, it was the it candy bar of snobby children who had refined tastes and would definitely raise their nose to any drugstore chocolate that wasn’t Alpine White!
Nestle’s Alpine White was killed off sometime in the early-90s, but it’s still dreamed about today and there’s a small group of fans on Facebook who would probably sell their child’s face for just one. I have a feeling that people’s mouths are still extra hungry for an Alpine White, because of their legendary commercials. Yes, the Alpine White commercials were whiter than Trump’s cabinet, but the comparison stops there.
The commercials for Alpine White are probably more famous than the Alpine White itself and watching it feels like a baby unicorn is cooing in your ears as an angel brushes her soft wings against your eyeballs. The commercials copied the paintings by Maxfield Parrish, and I’m sure that in the afterworld, he tells everybody that his greatest achievement is that his work inspired the makers of the Alpine White commercials.
I both love myself and hate myself for listening to the theme song again. On one hand, the Alpine White song is a soft, velvety stream of gorgeous music that gently cascades into my ear holes. But on the other hand, shit is never going to leave my head now. I don’t mind, though, because if anything is going to get stuck in my head, I’d want it to be the Alpine White song. Now surrender to the gorgeous sensuality of the Alpine White commercial:
“Creeeeeamy whiiiiiiite, dreeeeeaaaaamy whiiite.” That sounds like an extremely elegant anthem for jizz.
Before Sophie B. Hawkins became a world-famous superstar thanks to Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover and As I Lay Me Down, she crooned out her own version of Alpine White’s theme song for a commercial in the early-90s.
I’m sure that many babies were conceived thanks to that sensual Alpine White song. And I’m also sure that many yeast infections and butt rashes were born thanks to that song, because it may have hypnotized some into making sweet, sweet love with an Alpine White bar.
Pic: Wikia