Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 20, 2017 / Posted by:

The Purple Wig From Lifetime’s piece of trash Britney Spears movie Britney Ever After!

I couldn’t watch Lifetime’s latest turd jewel, Britney Ever After, on Saturday, because the hotel I was staying in didn’t have Lifetime. I know, I almost went to the front desk to complain, but I know they would’ve said, “Um, you know this is Super 8, right?” So I finally watched it last night and I had two thoughts while watching it:

1. I am so not high enough for this trash.

2. My camcorder home movies from the 90s had a bigger budget than this wreck.

Lifetime truly outdid themselves in the Fuck Effort department. They didn’t use any Britney songs, because they couldn’t get permission or the $3 Dollar Tree gift certificate that was their budget wasn’t enough to buy licenses. The costumes all looked like they came from a Merry-Go-Round fire sale (see: Britney and Justin’s matching jean ensembles that look like they were “denim look” instead of real denim). Natasha Bassett, who played Brit, didn’t really give me Britney, but she did give me guppy version of Katherine Heigl meets white Maya Rudolph. There was no London the Dog! No Carla the Assistant! No Adnan Ghalib! No gas station tour! And they didn’t even try to make Canada, where they shot it, look like L.A.

It was such useless garbage that I barely heard what the esteemed actors were saying, because when I wasn’t screaming, “WHY?!!!“, I was screaming,”WHY ME?!” But eventually, I realized it was Lifetime and I gave into the glorious gutter quality of it all.

Anybody who has their PhD in Britney knows that during her pre-5150 era, she wore a pink wig, not a purple wig like the one Natasha wore in Britney Ever After. But I loved the purple wig. The discount party supply store where  Lifetime’s intern bought that wig obviously only had purple, so they said, “Fuck it!

And at the beginning when Britney goes on tour with NSYNC, she gets on her first tour bus and queefs up a rainbow of excitement after seeing that there’s a buffet of gifts waiting for her and it includes a Furby and “cheese puffs.” They couldn’t even say, “Cheetos.”

hsotdbritneyeverafter2017

If you missed Lifetime’s Britney Ever After and want to experience it, just stuff a bag full of “cheese puffs” and an off-brand Frapp into your mouth, and after that mess has digested, shit into your palm and look at it. There you go.

And now I leave you with the magnificent dance-off that Britney and Justin get into after breaking up. This clip sums up Britney Ever After. It doesn’t make sense, it’s a mess, it wasn’t rehearsed and I love every painful second of it.

Pics: Lifetime

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