Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 19, 2017 / Posted by:

The IKEA Allen Wrench!

The victims of the Bowling Green Massacre took to the streets last night and lit Swedish Fish while humming the melody of a Robyn song to show solidarity with the victims of what happened in Sweden on Friday night. At a rally in Melbourne, FL yesterday, Donald Trump was talking about terrorist attacks and refugees in Europe when he dropped this piece of information that made the brains of Swedes burp up a lingonberry-scented question mark.

 “Here’s the bottom line, we’ve got to keep our country safe … You look at what’s happening in Germany, you look at what’s happening last night in Sweden. Sweden, who would believe this. Sweden.”

Nobody knew what the fuck he was talking about.

Did he get confused and meant to talk about the tragic situation of two people who got lost in IKEA’s new humongous Burbank store and had to survive the night on half-eaten Swedish meatballs? Did Trump have a party at Mar-a-Lago on Friday and Tiffany Trump took over the iPod and played ABBA even though he told her time and time again to never touch the music?

Carl Bildt, the former Prime Minister of Sweden wondered what Trump is smoking. Sweden’s Twitter account, who is run by a different citizen each week, has spent hours letting everyone know that nothing has happened in Sweden. A man set himself on fire and a singer had technical difficulties during a show, but there was no terrorist attack on Friday night.

What Trump probably meant to say is, “What I saw last night on Fox News about Sweden,” because on Friday, Tucker Carlson talked to a documentarian about violence in Sweden.

Who the hell knows, but a meme was born and the #swedishincident has been trending.

If anything, this has given me a name for the tragic ordeal I go through while putting together anything from IKEA. The next time I bleed, cry, sweat and break all of my nerves while failing to put together a MALM dresser, I’m going to contact Homeland Security and report another Swedish Incident. And also report that the weapon of doom used was that damn IKEA Allen Wrench!

Pic: Snarkys Machine

SHARE
Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >