Approximately 462 years ago (or 2, if you want to get technical like that), Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck announced that they were done with being married each other. Since then, there’s been tabloid story after tabloid story about how he wants her back and how he doesn’t want her back. Jennifer and Ben’s split has been dragged on for so long that following it is like watching The Accountant. It feels like it’s never going to end.
But if UsWeekly is telling the truth, then the end is near. The answer to the question, “What’s in Ben’s wallet?“, will soon be: folded up divorce papers. Sorry, but that damn Capital One commercial plays so many times that it lives in my mind now.
A source tells UsWeekly that Jennifer is getting ready to file for divorce, and another source says that Ben isn’t living in the guest house anymore:
“No matter what happens, Ben and Jen are committed to raising their family as one unit and will continue to do so as it has worked for them. They are both committed to their family.”
A second source adds that Affleck has since moved out of their shared Brentwood home.
But yet another source tells E! News that their house is Brentwood is still Ben’s “primary residence” and that nothing between them has really changed:
“Their relationship is very fluid and nothing has really changed. They have been working at their relationship for the past few years.”
So either UsWeekly is right and Ben may soon be free to fully fulfill his mid-life crisis itch by quickie marrying a 22-year-old Las Vegas cocktail waitress named Mistii. Or UsWeekly is wrong and this break-up will be dragged out for another 2 years. But I don’t know what Jennifer Garner is waiting for. If I was her, I would’ve tackled a divorce court judge, shoved the papers into their hands and begged them to do a rush job after finding out that the 99 Cent Store Meatloaf album cover tattoo on Ben Affleck’s back is real. I could deal with the moans that Ben makes in the guest house as he naked snuggles with his Tom Brady Real Doll, but I’d draw the line at being legally wedded to a dude with that tattoo on his back.
And here’s Jennifer working the ho stroll on February 14th and February 15th. Jennifer is giving tabloid editors the perfect pictures to use on their cover titled: “Jen Finally Files For Divorce! She’s Got That Spring In Her Step Back!”