If It Wasn’t For John Mayer, Katherine Heigl Wouldn’t Be Married To Her Husband, Or Something

February 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Katherine Heigl’s latest comeback TV show, Doubt, premiered last night on CBS, and if you missed it and want to see it, it can be found in a box full of Cat’s Pride litter. It flopped.

But before Heigl learned that she may have another flop on her hands, she pushed Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Heigl and her husband, Josh Kelley, have been married for almost ten years and James Corden said that he heard (through her publicist, probably) that John Mayer had something to do with their love sprouting like a rash you get after fucking John Mayer.

About a month after Heigl and Josh started dating in 2005, she says that she didn’t know if he was serious about her or what. Around that time, she started hanging out with John Mayer. She and John grew up in the same area and knew some of the same people. The CDC doesn’t have to worry about starting a file on Katherine Heigl, because apparently, she and John never did it. She says they were just friends, but she did use John to make Josh jealous.

“[John] wasn’t interested in me in that way, but he would talk to me about like other hot girls and stuff. It was friends! But Josh didn’t know that.  But Josh, to this day, doesn’t quite believe me. Anyway, that’s a whole other argument. But I did use it a little bit to put a fire under him. It was like, ‘Hey, if this isn’t exclusive and you’re dating other people, that’s fine, but I’m going to continuing seeing John.'”

If you want to see Heigl tell that story while looking like a Lifetime movie Marilyn Monroe, here’s a clip of that.

In 2005, John Mayer had not reached peak douche yet, but he was headed there. The same thing goes for Katherine Heigl. So maybe Josh Kelley knew that if Katherine Heigl and John Mayer got together and joined forces, a two-headed ego monster would be born and wreak havoc! Josh stepped in before that happened and saved us all. What a hero.

And when I typed John Mayer’s name into one of the photo agency databases, it gave me pictures of John Cena at an event in NYC last month. Thank you, photo agency website, for knowing that I’d much rather look at pictures of rock hard cum gutters than pictures of John Mayer. There should be a plugin for that.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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