Over ten years ago, Scarlett Johansson said in an interview that she doesn’t think human genitals are meant to stick with one peen or puss. ScarJo hasn’t changed her mind and in an interview with Playboy, she makes it clear that she’s still a full believer in Professor Cameron Diaz’s theory that humans aren’t meant to be monogamous. Tiger Woods, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt and other noted peen wanderers are looking at ScarJo and singing, “I’ve been waaaaaay-tiiiiiiing for a girl like youuuuuu to come into my liiiiiiife…”
ScarJo’s interview with Playboy probably went down before everyone found out that her second marriage (to that French popcorn guy) is done. Amanda Petrusich, who interviewed ScarJo for Playboy, brought up what she said a million years ago about monogamy. ScarJo added to that by saying that being devoted to the same dick is practically a full-time job that requires plenty of overtime.
Well, with every gain there’s a loss, right? So that’s a loss. You have to choose a path. I think the idea of marriage is very romantic; it’s a beautiful idea, and the practice of it can be a very beautiful thing. I don’t think it’s natural to be a monogamous person. I might be skewered for that, but I think it’s work. It’s a lot of work. And the fact that it is such work for so many people—for everyone—the fact of that proves that it is not a natural thing. It’s something I have a lot of respect for and have participated in, but I think it definitely goes against some instinct to look beyond.
ScarJo also thinks that anybody who says that nothing changed after they got married is a low-down dirty lie-teller.
I think marriage initially involves a lot of people who have nothing to do with your relationship, because it’s a legally binding contract, and that has a weight to it. Being married is different than not being married, and anybody who tells you that it’s the same is lying. It changes things. I have friends who were together for 10 years and then decided to get married, and I’ll ask them on their wedding day or right after if it’s different, and it always is. It is. It’s a beautiful responsibility, but it’s a responsibility.
The subject of monogamy gets argued about a lot. I’ve always felt like, do whatever works for you. I have friends who keep it open and it works for them. I have friends who don’t keep it open and it works for them. For me, I can go either way. For example, if Alexander Skarsgard said to me, “I love you. Let’s only do each other,” I’d say okay and tell him that his name is now on my fuck parts. I wouldn’t be lying since his name is tattooed on my ass. But if I was with a dude who wasn’t Alexander Skarsgard and Alexander Skarsgard said to me, “Let’s do each other, ” I’d take my boyfriend aside and say, “I don’t think it’s natural for us to be monogamous as humans….”
But really, ScarJo needs to speak for her hot and famous self. Some of us have no choice but to be monogamous. And by that I mean we have no choice but to only do ourselves since there’s no other options. Way to gloat, ScarJo!