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February 14, 2017 / Posted by:

The Care Bears’ Valentine’s 1-900 Number!

During the golden era of the 1-900 number, there weren’t only numbers for dudes who wanted to spend $2.99 a minute (or 5 cents a stroke, depending on how fast the dude stroked it) on fapping while phone fucking with a barely legal Swedish Playboy model named Kitten (read: a middle-aged mom from Montana named Barbara who also ran a dog boarding business in her house). There were also 1-900 numbers for EVERYTHING. If you had money to waste in the 80s and early 90s, and didn’t want to dirty the air up with fumes from burning it, you could just waste it by calling a 1-900 number.

There were plenty of 1-900 numbers that did the devil’s work by trying to get kids to waste their parents’ hard-earned dollars and cents. In the 80s and 90s, there were a lot of kids who ran their asses home from school so that they could get the mail before anyone else did and hide the phone bill. They needed time to work on their, “But mom, I swear I didn’t call that number,” act.

The Care Bears (seen above really keeping it 1-900 with that dry butt sex conga line)  had a 1-900 number, and I remember that around Valentine’s time, they ran a commercial telling kids that they had a special Valentine message to tell. You had to call that 1-900 number to get it and it only cost $2 for the first minute and 45 cents after. The Care Bears special Valentime’s message probably took 15 minutes to tell and I’m sure they spoke really, really slow while giving it. I also wouldn’t be shocked if the call “accidentally” dropped in the middle of the important message so that the kid would have to call in again. Those Care Bears cared alright, cared about getting that dollar. And I can’t believe this commercial exists on YouTube:

1-900 numbers are pretty much a thing of the past and that number is definitely dead. But even if it still worked, I wouldn’t call it today. Calling a 1-900 number is no fun when you’re the one who has to pay the bill.

And Happy VD, everyone!

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