They Found A Director For The Umpteenth Batman Movie

February 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Our long national nightmare has come to an end. No, our president and his administration haven’t been replaced with a roomful of howler monkeys who would probably be considered less insane and slightly more trustworthy. Instead, the darkness has receded because they found a director for The Batman! It’s truly morning in America!

Variety reports that Cloverfield and Rise of the Planet of the Apes director Matt Reeves will almost definitely helm the 3,576th movie made about DC Comics’ brooding vigilante.

Matt is replacing our current Batman star, Ben Affleck, whose name was previously emblazoned on the back of the canvas director’s chair. Ben reportedly quit that job to spend more time being focused on the Batman character and co-writing the script. And he’s still going to act as a producer on the movie. I’m sure his stepping down as the director has nothing to do with his latest flick, the gangster drama Live By Night, wearing a toetag at the box office and causing critics to emit a collective “meh.”

Sources tell Variety that the “Cloverfield” and “War for the Planet of the Apes” director has already committed to helming the superhero pic, although a deal isn’t done yet. Variety first reported that Reeves was high on the list of directors to replace Affleck, but, until recently, meetings were still being held with other filmmakers.

Affleck will still have a significant role in the direction of the film — the first solo movie to star Affleck as the Caped Crusader — after writing the script with Geoff Johns, but he will now have more time to focus on acting.

Ben isn’t the best Batman out there (that would be Adam West), but he’s serviceable. However, Batman v Superman was a big pile of shit (except for the brief introduction of Wonder Woman), so they might want to pause and take a decade or two to rethink their approach.

Despite being a fanboy geek, even I’m like “maybe you should lie down for a moment, Batman, or sit quietly with a cup of tea for several years to renew yourself.” They can’t, though, because they want to emulate the Marvel Studios plan ASAP. That plan would be: A) make a movie or tv show about every single one of your comic book characters which leads to B) make so much money that you can wrap your Christmas presents in McKinleys. Marvel is so big that they now apparently have a hand in running our country! DC Comics wants to be one of the corporations responsible for plunging our country into its future Orwellian nightmare, too! It’s only fair.

Pic: Warner Bros.

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