Ed Sheeran did an interview with the Brazilian site Capricho and of course that means he talked about Taylor Swift. Ed specifically talked about how Taylor goes to James Bond lengths of crazy to make sure that her songs don’t leak onto the internet. Taylor once said in an interview that she gets paranoid about being wiretapped and secretly recorded (cut to her head popping off over Kim Kartrashian secretly recording her). And apparently, she’s also paranoid about her music leaking. Tay Tay must think that her songs are as precious and valuable as a Collector’s Edition DVD of Showgirls signed by Gina Gershon, the top secret recipe for an Orange Julius and a rubber replica of Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda, because she spends a lot of money to protect them.
Ed tells Capricho that the only way you can listen to an unreleased Taylor Swift song is if you’re with her or one of her trusty minions. Ed says that one time, Taylor wanted him to hear the song that they did together, but he was in San Francisco at the time. So she put the song on an iPad, dropped that iPad into a locked briefcase and gave it to a minion who flew all the way to San Francisco. Yes, all that CIA shit over a Taylor Swift song! A Taylor Dane song, okay. But a Taylor Swift song?
— Taylor Swift News (@TSwiftNZ) February 9, 2017
Taylor’s albums Red and 1989 both leaked early, so obviously her extreme measures work. If Taylor really wants to keep her songs from leaking, she should just label them all as “Taylor Swift Singing Live” and nobody will touch them or download them.
But really, I’m sure Taylor is really happy about Ed telling everyone her super spy secrets, and I’m sure she’ll let him know in person when they face off in court after she sues him for violating the squad confidentiality agreement he signed with a grape-scented pen. Taylor will see you in court, sensitive hobbit!